He moves a few books away, and behind them rests a thick notebook lying flat against the back wall of the shelf.
He returns to the bed. With a serious expression, he opens it to the date of the first day of school last year and holds it out to me.
Feeling my heart speed up, I read the first entry:
"The third day of school, and a new student joined our class, or rather a late one. His name is Bay. Oh my gosh, what kind of boy is this? I’ve never seen anyone like him. Is it even possible to be that handsome? Everyone else in class suddenly looks like gray sheep, and he glows among them. He has dark red hair tied in a short ponytail at the nape of hisneck and beautiful features, the kind many omegas would envy. Everyone keeps sneaking looks at him, but I notice he gazes at me. He really tries not to, but I see his secret glances. At me?
Me?
The one everyone makes fun of, the one everyone jokes about, the one they call Sneezy…
But not him. He never calls me that.
Is it possible that my sniffles and coughing don’t bother him? Is it possible that for the first time someone actually noticed me?"
I glance at the next entry:
"Yesterday I thought we’d go to lunch together, but those two damn omegas intercepted him. Honestly, I wanted to cry, and I don’t even know why, because we don’t really know each other. We exchanged a few words, and somehow I stupidly started to hope he might have liked me.
But today he talked to me and asked if I wanted to go to lunch, and the whole time I was stealing glances at him, admiring his perfect face. He’s so tall, obviously growing into an alpha, the tallest in class.
Is it possible that he and I… that maybe we could be something more? Someday?"
I flip through more pages, stunned to find entries written about the same moments, seeing how similarly Alex viewed them, each one filled with hope for something more, for me to notice him in a way that went beyond friendship.
There are memories from summer break, our first gentle kiss, Alex’s crushed hopes echoing in words like"He doesn’t want me… he says he wants to protect our friendship, so he pushes me away. It breaks my heart…"
Finally, I reach the scene from Halloween night, the handwriting shaky, the ink smeared, probably by his tears.
I begin to read but stop almost immediately, closing my eyes as I shut the notebook. The last sentence my eyes catch reads:
"Dear Fate, please let a miracle happen. Please let Bay forget all of this. Please let it fade. Please let him be happy with me…"
The fact that Alex kept a journal too doesn’t surprise me. We’re so similar in so many ways, but I know I need to say something that should have been said long ago.
I take a deeper breath.
"You make that happen, Alex. Truly, you make it happen."
I smile sadly. "Every day you turn darkness into light. I thought I wouldn’t make it through this year, but every day when I almost fell apart, you held me up with your presence, unwavering, strong. Whenever I stumbled, you were there to steady me. Whenever things got too heavy, you took part of that weight. Day after day, week after week, you patiently erased all the pain."
I look into his big eyes, seeing my entire world reflected inside them.
"People think only big gestures matter, you know? But no one notices the everyday moments that are so much more important, so much more precious. And you were my everyday, the breath I took, the heartbeats I lived…"
I pull him closer.
"I want to be with you forever, Alex. I want us to take the next step, if you’re open to it…"
Clear tears spill from beneath Alex’s lashes as he gently touches my face.
"Oh, Bay, there is nothing I want more."
I take a deep breath and wipe his tear away. "I’m sorry for getting so dramatic, but I wanted you to know that it was always you, only you, from the very beginning…"
I give him an apologetic smile.
Alex chuckles and sniffles. "You don’t have to apologize for anything, but if you want, I can tell you something interesting, something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while… something that might bring us even closer," he says shyly.
