I close my eyes for a second.
"Serious, Alex. I never want to be separated from you… you know I even started looking at colleges with good music programs and good math departments, so we could stay together even then… I don’t want to be away from you. Ever," I whisper. "I know I’m only sixteen, I can’t give you anything yet, but maybe one day I will… and I already know what I want and it’s you."
The light reflecting in Alex’s eyes picks up a sheen of moisture now.
"I will," he says suddenly. "Because I don’t want to be separated from you either. I want only you, forever."
I realize I don’t have a ring, but in a burst of spontaneity I break off the pull tab from the soda can on the nightstand, it’s bigger than the ones on Coke cans so it fits.
I slip the pull tab onto Alex’s finger.
And he bursts out laughing.
"Wow, that is one hell of an engagement ring…!"
"I’m sorry, I’ll get you a better one…"
"No… this one is actually perfect, it’s from the heart…"
Alex’s voice shakes with a hint of emotion.
He lifts his eyes to me, his face glowing with happiness, pulling me toward him like a magnet.
Then I lean in without warning and kiss him on the lips.
They’re soft and they part in an inviting way, and for the first time I don’t feel fear but something new, a quiet hunger for pleasure and bliss.
"I love you," I whisper, pulling back for a moment.
"And I love you," Alex answers.
We look at each other for a moment, and then I gather my courage.
"Alex, there’s something I wanted to show you, something I wanted you to know."
I hesitate because I don’t want to sound too sentimental, my gaze drifting across his sweet face as I give him a shy smile.
"What is it?"
I bite my lip. "I’m about to get pretty vulnerable here…" I murmur.
I pull a journal with a pink cover from my backpack and hold it out to him.
Alex draws his breath, then gently takes the thick notebook. It’s thick because it’s stuffed with inserts, little plastic bags, mementos, and extra pieces I glued inside over the past two years.
He slowly opens it to the first page and reads the entry.
"On the first day of school, I sat next to a tiny boy. He was so beautiful that I didn’t think someone that cute could even exist. He had blond hair with a pinkish shimmer and amethyst eyes. I couldn’t stop staring at him. I had to. There was something magical about him."
He blinks and looks at me in disbelief, then turns the next page and the next and the next, reading all the entries I wrote about him, dreaming about impossible things and believing that somehow he would lift the spell of darkness and filth hanging over my life.
He picks up a little bag containing the dried flower he once gave me and studies it for a moment.
Then he reads out loud, his voice trembling:
"When I’m near Alex, I don’t remember those events. They feel like they belong to another reality. He pushes them into the background shadows. I’ve known many omegas, even liked a few back in middle school, but this is completely different. Alex is like a star against a colorless gray sky. I fall asleep thinking of him and wake up pulling his face back into my mind."
Alex lifts his eyes to me, then sets the journal aside and stands.
