"I don’t get it, alphas don’t like the idea of someone else fucking their omega."
Bay lowers his eyelids a bit and then says,
"Alex, I’m not insane. We weren’t in a relationship. What do you expect? That I would condemn you for something I have no right to condemn you for? I wanted this for you. I know how much you like sex, I wanted you to have pleasure, touch… even if the thought hurt me for selfish reasons, I still wanted you to be happy,you. And that’s what mattered to me."
A sudden wave of inexplicable anger hits me. Everything he says, on paper, sounds perfect, like something a model boyfriend would say.
But somehow it stings me, irritates me, frustrates me.
"Fuck, you should condemn it, because I would. You should want me to be only yours," I snap.
Bay looks away.
"I did."
"Then why are you saying this?"
"Because wanting something and having it are two different things."
"I don’t understand. And I want to."
Bay takes a sudden step toward me, his torso almost brushing mine. Our eyes meet up close.
"The thought of another alpha touching you someday killed me. It twisted me up inside like a screw. But I knew we wouldn’t be together. I lost hope, at some point I gave up. I thought thatif I couldn’t be your man, I’d be at least… a decent man. One day I walked up to your house, I don’t even know what I wanted, maybe… a conversation. I saw you coming back from a date with that beta. He leaned in to kiss you. You ran away like crazy."
I keep staring at him.
"You were here?"
"Yes. I thought about it for a long time. About how you looked. Hurt, unhappy. That’s not the life I wanted for you, Alex! Even if it tore my heart apart, I had to accept the loss. Maybe even come up with a plan that could help you get used to the idea."
I fall silent. He’s giving me another hint. Another clue. Sending the stalker to fuck me fits perfectly with loosening my morals, opening me up to someone else’s touch. The problem is that other alphas’ touch burns me, repels me, irritates me. Except… one or two.
Bay and the stalker.
Coincidence?
I take a step back and walk to the table, spreading my fingers on its surface. Silence settles.
"You know, I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time if you ever slept with Malik, with Cosmo, with your fans."
"I have never slept with anyone except you, Alex."
Silence falls.
It tightens something deep inside me, a mix of emotion and a crushing sense of guilt.
"You said you don’t want me to, remember? When we were in high school."
A little sob escapes me, small, quiet whimper.
So he remembers my possessive rant back then… and he stayed faithful.
I want to say something, I want to explain myself, but something in his energy and in his face tells me I don’t need to.
Many people would probably give in at this point, worn down by the torment of not knowing and the constant uncertainty, and they would ask him outright once and for all whether he is the stalker, but I don’t do that for a simple reason, because if he denies it, then the fact that I slept with the guy he sent will land between us with full weight, spoken out loud.
What's done is done.
