Of all the scenarios I ever imagined about what would happen after my desensitization was complete, I never expected Bay to just show up at my door with all his clothes and belongings and want to move in.
Just like that.
So simple.
What reality did I wake up in today?
Bay tilts his head slightly, his face as calm as ever, impossible to read.
"Isn’t this what you wanted, Alex? If I misjudged the situation, I’ll disappear from here in minutes."
"No!" I say and lean back against the front door as if I physically want to block his way out.
"You’re staying," I say suddenly in a desperate, high-pitched tone, because the truth of it is sinking into me. "And that’s forever, whether the therapy works or not." Even I don’t recognize that certainty in my own voice.
Enough of cowardice.
"But we still can’t touch for just a bit," I add quickly for clarity. "Blue said it could ruin everything, if my body isn’t fully stabilized yet, it might make one more effort and reset again from our touch."
Bay tilts his head and says, "You know, this is how we got to know each other in the first place, Alex. We didn’t touch at all in the beginning, and it didn’t stop us. Don’t you think in some way this is the best possible arrangement?"
I stare.
Wow, that’s a good argument, and I suddenly realize this might actually be the best scenario, but there are things I need to clarify.
"Maybe it is, but first I need to know if you can accept certain things about me that might be… controversial."
"What things?"
"I’m a whore."
Bay makes a particular face, a little mocking, amused.
"No, you’re not."
A short, sharp and firm answer.
I think. I think deeply.
What now?
I’m afraid of where this conversation will go. How do I even phrase this?
Is it finally the damned time?!
Should I ask him directly, are you the stalker?
Or should I keep circling around it, our little game, a sprinkle of thrilling, dangerous illusions, making myself miserable?
Has the cowardice returned?
"I’ll ask a hypothetical question. If you knew I had slept with another man besides you, would you still want to be with me?"
Bay literally bursts out laughing, his expression like I just told the funniest joke in the world, and I haven’t seen him like this in years, not since high school.
"Alex, even if you slept with a thousand men, it wouldn’t matter to me at all."
Wow, seriously, it’s hard to believe. Guys usually aren’t like that, the whole body count thing is an obsession for so many.
