"I miss you…"
A long silence answers me, and then he suddenly asks,
"Are you alright, Alex?"
Well, I cannot expect him to say it back so openly. That’s not the deal.
He knows that for the last few days I have been getting speared on his shadow’s dick, coming over and over again with the idea of another man in me, an anonymous stalker, so it is hard to expect him to be cheerful.
Honestly, I do not even know what I expected.
But that does not change how I feel, the same way I felt the day he left.
"Not a single day has been alright since we broke up, Bay."
Silence.
"You should move on, Alex. You have the right to. To be free."
"Did you?" I burst out. "Did you move on? Did you fuck a lot of pretty omegas? Your fans, your groupies?" My breath catches and gets stuck in my lungs.
Silence again.
Then I whisper, "I am not as magnanimous as you. The thought kills me, and I wish it worked the other way too, Bay, I wish the thought of me giving myself to someone else killed you too, is that not how it should be?"
The silence stretches on and on, so long I can only hear his breath, steady and deep…
"But I already died, Alex. That day, July eighth, four years ago."
Oh. Maybe now is the right moment to tell him what I learned today.
"Same here. But I died once before too, Bay. Yet you brought me back to life. Twenty-two years ago. When the seatbelt crushed me inside my dad’s belly…"
I said it.
Does that mean I believe it?
Maybe, goddammit.
I killed someone by taking his energy.
Who would not allow a bit of madness under circumstances like these?
I hear his breathing change, turning shallower, more uneven.
"Your dad told me everything," I add.
Still silence, no reaction at all.
"Bring me back to life again, Bay…"
I force it out through a strangled voice, "Bring me back to life again, Bay…" I repeat louder, my voice cracking and almost folding in on itself…
"Bring US back to life again, Bay!"
I scream it for the third time, so loudly the sound nearly deafens me…
Beep beep beep.
