The thought of Cosmo… or Malik, because some people pair Bay with him too, cuts my heart in half.
And him?
He’s not bothered by the fact that I could be hooking up with guys in parks? All he says is that he ‘wants me to be happy’. Duh!
Wait. That’s probably also a sign he himself has moved on.
Surrounded by so many fans, so many opportunities for casual sex, he must have taken advantage of it more than once even if he isn’t officially with Cosmo or Malik.
Am I petty for feeling jealousy and anger whenever that thought slips into my head?
Yes, I am.
And standing proud with this!
He wants me to find happiness. Could I be that noble? Do I want to see him with some other omega, happy, maybe with kids?
I realize I’m not above any of this, that the thought still tears me down.
Am I a bad person? Is he, in fact, a better, less selfish one than me?
He made the highest sacrifice for me one day; his heart is like this, caring, noble.Angelicin its core.
ButI’mnot like this.
I’m jealous.
I’m possessive!
I wait in silence for his knot to go down, my cheek still pressed to the tabletop, my eyelids squeezed shut.
Eventually he eases back. I stay there a moment longer, giving him a bit of privacy while he buttons his pants.
He wraps the condom in a tissue and slips it into his pocket.
Then he turns and walks out without a word.
I remain bent over the table for a while, feeling in some ways even worse than before the wave began.
Something in me is slowly giving in, loosening, and inside I’m preparing myself for a change in my life.
The only problem is that I still have one more thing to deal with, one more secret, what happened with Oswald waiting for an explanation.
But I decide to leave it for when my heat is over, so my mind can work more clearly.
???
Another wave comes during the night, but I don’t call the stalker (yes, I still think of him that way), I get through it with only the dildo, stretching the knot on it.
Another one hits at dawn, but again I fight back the urge to call him, feeling a sadness inside me about this whole situation, how messed up and sick it is.
This time it’s worse though, since it’s the second day of heat.
My body demands more, the energy of an alpha, and the dildo can’t give me that.
I fall asleep at dawn feeling only partially satisfied, but at 9:00 another brutal wave wakes me, so strong I sob through the contraction.
Only then do I text him.
