I remember it clearly. It was exactly a week after the first time we slept together.
There was still that soft, bright shyness between us, those secret glances, that bubbling excitement about what the next days would bring.
I would look at him now and then as he studied the chessboard, the sun falling across his face, those beautiful, even features without a single flaw, and the wind coming off the lake catching in his long, dark red hair.
At one point he noticed me watching, leaned forward and took my hand, lifting it to his lips and pressing a kiss to it.
"I have something for you," he said, "I wanted to make a special occasion for it, but every day with you is a special occasion for me, Alex," and a faint flush appeared on his cheek.
Then, a little clumsily, he pulled a ring box from his pocket.
"I feel stupid that all I gave you was that aluminum tab… you deserve so much more," he whispered shyly.
My fingers went to the chain on my neck where I wore that little tab.
"Bay, I love that tab. It was such a sweet, spontaneous gesture and I really appreciate it."
Bay glanced at my neck, at the aluminum band.
"But I want you to have a real keepsake too, a symbol of our relationship," he said with seriousness.
He opened the box.
Inside was a thick band.
It was unusual. When I picked it up, I realized it must have been custom made, the design a dense pattern of tiny lightning bolts, just like the markings on Bay’s body, those strange natural tattoos I saw for the first time when we made love a week earlier.
I stared at the ring for a moment, pretty sure it was platinum.
"Oh wow, you must have spent a fortune…"
"My music video paycheck came in. Don’t worry, everything’s good."
Bay gently slid the ring onto my finger.
I smiled at him and he smiled back, wide and bright, lighting up a face that was so often sad and distant, but now beaming as his eyes met mine…
Happiness surged in me…
Fuck.
Stop.
The happiness is long gone. I shoo the memory away, almost brutally.
Opening my eyes, I toss the dildo aside and get off the bed, then run downstairs to my room and open the cabinet where I keep my jewelry.
The ring from Bay is there too, in its original box. I took it off soon after we broke up, but for some reason I keep wearing the aluminum tab, something like adog tag.
I hold the ring for a moment. Why did I ever take it off? I want to be close to him so badly.
"I miss you so much, Bay," I whisper as tears warm my cheeks.
How many tears have I shed already, probably liters, there’s no way to measure this pain, this ripping inside my chest.
But my heat won’t let me sink into sadness, it’s relentless.
My body folds under another wave.
