The mattress dips under his weight as he sits down beside me. He grabs my shoulder and squeezes.
“It’s okay,” he tells me.
I gulp hard. “You just told me that I love her.”
“Don’t make it sound like I told you that you’re dying.”
“Then why does it feel like that?”
“Because it’s something new that you’ve never experienced before. It’s okay to feel this way.”
I close my eyes and let out a long breath. The pressure on my chest moves away a little.
“We haven’t been to our first date yet,” I murmur.
“So what? You’ve spent loads of time with her and what matters is how you feel when you’re with her.”
“I feel calm,” I answer instantly.
He smiles softly as if he gets why calm is important to me. He’s seen me restless, looking for things and ways to ebb the grief and pain inside of me. It’s still there, but at least I have someone I can hug and find reprieve for a short while. It’s not cigarettes and alcohol that’ll damage me. Every time I hug her—my arms wrapped around her and her head resting on my chest—something inside of me heals.
I don’t know what it is.
Love.
“This is good,” Sebastian says. “You’re not freaking out the way you did before when I told you.”
I run a hand through my hair, trying to busy my fingers that shake a little. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“Nothing.”
I look at him in confusion. “Nothing?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Act natural. Don’t think too much. Just be yourself when you’re with her.”
I scoff. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know what happens when I’m with her.”
He nudges me. “Now I really wanna know. What happens? You get horny.”
I quickly stand up. “I’m leaving.”
“What? I meant that as a joke.” He chuckles, but when he sees I’m not laughing he sobers up. “Shit, you really meant it.”
“Shut up.”
His gaze fills with amusement. “It’s normal. It happens. You’re insanely attracted to her. Just don’t think with your dick, but with your head.”
I shoot him a glare, annoyed with myself that he now he knows about it. “I always think of her first.”
“Don’t forget to use protection.”
I scowl. “Shut up.”
He laughs and my anger simmers down a little. He looks so happy. So different from how he was at the beginning of the year.
