After a few seconds she says, “Guys don’t understand us.”
“They don’t.”
“They’re so dumb.”
“And mean.”
“But they love us.”
___________________
I barely sleep at night,tossing and turning on my side while Marie sleeps peacefully with her arms and legs spread like a starfish. She likes to occupy space while I stick to my side and don’t move that much. It happened over time. When I was little and my parents fought, I’d freeze in one position and wouldn’t move. My body would lock in place and my blood would go cold as I’d listen to them scream at each other and then the quiet sobbing of my mother. Every time I wanted to go down and comfort her but something in me — a pull as strong as the force of gravity — would keep me back. Deep down, I was afraid, that Dad would hurt me — which he has. Multiple times now.
Seeing the unfamiliar walls and ceiling make dread grow in the pit of my stomach. I am safe here, but it doesn’t feel like home — even though I don’t want to go back there.
It’s early in the morning and the quietness lets my brain wander.
What are my parents doing? Are they sleeping or worrying about me? I got my answer yesterday when I visited them, but still, I wish that they’re missing me and want me back.
Surely, they don’t plan on kicking me out forever.
They will ask me to come back at some point.
Right?
The uncertainty gnaws on my insides like a parasite, eating me away with wild, strange thoughts that cause my anxiety to triple.
My heart sinks into my stomach and my breathing lowers to slow, labored breaths that suck the oxygen out of me.
I glance at Marie and she’s sleeping soundly. Not a worry on her face. She looks at peace.
I wish I were like her.
Brave. Happy. Safe.
But I’m not.
My life is a complete mess. Now things have gotten even more complicated.
Hundreds of thoughts surround me and sleep arrives in full force.
Slowly, it lures me and before I know my eyes shut on their own.
32
HOPE
“Are you sure?”
Marie nods. “Yes.”
“Maybe I should wear something else,” I glance at the outfits lying on her bed. Each one better than the other. They all belong to famous brands and look gorgeous.
“Nope. This looks beautiful on you.” She smiles. “Look in the mirror again.”
Turning my head, I stare at myself. The simple mauve dress loosely hugs my figure and reaches a little below my knees and strapped in white heels that are only an inch tall. My hair looks shiny and is perfectly curled in soft waves that cascade down my back pinned back from the front with a few strands falling over my face. I have very light makeup on but the dense mascara makes my eyes pop.
“This isn’t too much, right?” I ask hesitantly, even though I like how I look.I really like it.
