“Let me make one thing clear.” Simply recalling the memory is enough for me to break the silence between us. I walk into the room, slowly, “Aster wants someone who’ll blindly do what I say. Who’ll jump when I tell them to. Who'll break into pieces willingly if that's the order I give... but this isn't Aster’s team. It's mine.”
Christian's back is turned. I can't see his face or his energy but my steps are taking me closer until I’m stopping just an arm’s length away. Until I could reach out to touch the strands of hair on his neck if I wanted.
“You might've passed Aster’s assessment,” my voice gives way to a strange bitterness, “but you didn't pass mine... at least, not right away.”
Christian remains quiet. He doesn't make a move to turn around and meet my eyes.
“Do you remember what I told you, when you said you couldn’t possibly be the man for the job?” I ask him.
“... You said you'd trust me.” There's a vulnerability in his voice I've never heard before. One he's never allowed me to hear before.
“Exactly.” It feels as though I'm face to face with a frightened deer. That anything I say now will scare him off and shut him down. “So I need you to trust me too.”
Christian turns around slowly. His energy is a mess, so much so that I don't think even he understands what he's feeling.
I tilt my head slightly, “Why’d you pull the trigger?”
“... You were there with me when I saved those kids. You wouldn't havedone that if you were just going to kill them.” His lips press together tightly, a faraway expression on his face, “I wanted to believe... my eyes weren't wrong.”
I nod. “I don't want a mindless slave, Christian. I need someone I can trust... but the work I do, I also need ateamwho trusts me... and I would never ask you to destroy something you tried to protect.”
“Why would you do all of this?” His energy suddenly takes on a frustrated hue. “If you'd simply asked me to break for you, I would have—”
“And I'm telling you that's not what I need,” I snap and his mask slips.
“It'll take more than just a few days for me to trust you, Reuben.” His words are sharp as he drags a hand through his hair, and even now his energy is fucking sexy. It’s distracting.
“I've known you for seven days.” It’s the first time seeing the displeasure on his face and not just in his energy. There’s a furrow between his brows, and I find myself memorising the lines of frustration etched into his face. “What if I was wrong? What if...?” His fingers tighten into fists before relaxing at his sides. Over and over.
His emotions are beautiful. They coalesce into shades of orange and red and blue, shining like stars and making me linger. Making my cock swell in my pants.
What colours would you have if I were deep inside you?
How pretty would you fucking look when you’re taking in all of me? Every inch buried inside—
I pull my gaze up to the ceiling, blinking.
That… that was unexpected.
“Thanks,” Christian says, but I’ve almost forgotten what we’re talking about. “For choosing to spare the kids,” he adds softly. “I wouldn't mind... trusting you a bit more.”
I hook my fingers around his chin to turn his gaze back to me—a strange need to see the gratitude in his eyes and not his energy—before releasing him. Solely because I don’t want him to get freaked out and run away.
“If you’re going to trust me a little more then, it’s something you have tosay while looking me in the eye.” It’s really just an excuse at this point.
Christian’s mouth opens and closes and it's the first time I've seen him at a loss for words. The first time he lets me see that too, instead of hiding it.
“I'll trust you.”
I have to release a controlled breath because I can’t seem to fuckingfocus—
“I don't mind killing if it's to protect you. Your enemies are my enemies and everything you want I'll stake my life on giving it to you.” The energy around him trembles slightly, “But I don’t want to point my gun at kids who aren't a threat. If someone else on the team can do it... please don't ask me. But if youneedit of me... like you said, I'll just trust you and do it.”
I put a hand on his head in an attempt to get rid of his nervousness, but even that I think, is an excuse. There are members who’d rather not hurt innocents, if they don’t have to. Like Aster and I. I don't want him to think he can't ask things of me, and it’d be contradictory if I didn’t allow it, after asking him to trust me
“If I ask it of you, knowing how much you hate it,” the corner of my lips tilts up just a fraction, “be sure to hit me as hard as you can.”
Christian’s senses are on a different level.
