“I love you.”
My breath catches.
My lungs fail and my heart suddenly feels… raw.
“I love you.” He repeats the words slowly, as though he knows it’s unravelling me. His voice is seeping into all the crevices of me that ache for him.
“And I know you love me, baby.” The sound of his smile is excruciating and maybe… maybe I’m still dreaming.
I’d think so if my eyes and my heart weren’t fucking stinging.
“So give us a chance,” he whispers. “Arealchance. Talk to me. Help me understand what you’re going through. The Adler Squad. Your goals. Tell me about yourself. What’s hurting you. What’s breaking you… You haven’t once thought about letting me in seriously. You haven’t even tried.”
I blank.
My throat is tight. My chest hurts.
Have I ever once considered… telling Reuben the truth?
Have I really never taken Reuben seriously?
I just assumed… I assumed the worst, but what if…
What if…
No. I shut the thought down quickly, because it’s not just crazy. It’s delusional.
How could I expect him to accept me?
What I am… isn’t something he can understand.
“I want to try.” His words clash against my doubts. Against the most important rule I ever made.
Never shift in front of people.
Never tell them what you are.
Ever.
The silence between us is stifling.
“I know there’s something you’re not telling me.” He’s talking to himself at this point. Trying to convince me. “I know it’s hurting you. It’s why you’re putting distance between us… I want to try… so give us a real chance.”
His words are echoing in my head.
If… if we could be something real… somethingreal…
It’s delusional… but it’s too late. The possibility is suddenly there, taking up every corner of my mind.
“What if…” I finally find the courage to voice my thoughts, “I tell you everything, and you… you can't accept it?” Am I really considering this? I’ve watched enough movies to know how this will go.
“What if you turn on me?” I ask.
“Is that what you’re afraid of, baby?" He chuckles softly, and even that spreads a warmth across my chest, reminding me just how much I’ve missed him.
“That's easy. Then shoot me. In both knees. Fuck me up. Make me regret it."
A surprised laugh makes it past my lips.
