“Fine,” I say. I retreat back, but Jordan follows me inside.
“You don’t sound fine. What’s going on?” Jordan takes the bag out of my hands and places it on the sofa. “Talk to me.”
I shake my head. “Rainer lied to me,” I say. “His dad told him to date me. They set the whole thing up.”
“Jesus,” he says. “How did you—?”
“Britney just told me everything, and Rainer confirmed it.” I blink at him. “It wasn’t even real.”
Jordan looks at me. His gaze is measured. “Do you really believe that?”
“He admitted it!”
Jordan shakes his head. “About it not being real. Come on, Paige, he loves you. We both know that.”
“You’re taking his side? Jordan, just go.” I put my hands over my eyes. They burn with tears.
But Jordan doesn’t leave. Instead he places his arms around me and wraps me up in a hug. I bury my face in the cool cotton of his T-shirt. I breathe him in. He smells like he always does—like dirt and sea. Like Hawaii. And then, suddenly, it hits me. The realization makes my insides feel hot and sticky: Jordan isn’t surprised.
The past begins to sort itself out, like a magic wand has been waved, returning a disorderly room to its rightful state. I can see everything clearly. That fight Jordan and Greg had before the premiere. It was about this. Jordan knew what Greg had done, and they were fighting about me.
I pull back. “You knew.”
Jordan stays perfectly still.
“You knew and you never told me.”
“I didn’t know,” he says. “I suspected, at first. I know Greg. But then—”
“Do you have any idea how different everything would have been? That press conference never would have happened. I wouldn’t have chosen Rainer. We could have been together, Jordan.”
Jordan looks at me like I’m crazy. “And then what? You would have been with me by default? Excuse me if that doesn’t sound all that appealing, Paige.”
I just gape at him. “What would it have mattered, if we were together?”
“Because,” he says, throwing his hands up. “I don’t want to be your second choice. I don’t want to be the guy you’re with because things didn’t work out with Rainer. I don’t want to be your backup.”
“You’re not—” I start, but I can’t continue. It’s too much, all of it. “I can’t do this anymore,” I say.
Jordan nods. “Right there with you.”
We stand, fuming at each other.
“I’m sorry for what happened in Tokyo,” Jordan continues. “I shouldn’t have put you in that position.”
“You’resorry?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I am.” He looks at me, and I see it all written there beneath the anger—a million regrets, none of which we know how to fix. “See you on set,” he says. Then he pulls open the door and is gone.
CHAPTER 17
The next two weeksconsist of nonstop meetings, photo shoots, and personal training sessions that remind me of Joanna’s labor. I barely have time to crash before Sandy is calling me again. All forLocked. Closer to Heavenseems further than it ever has. Sandy tells me it’s time to let it go, that I need to focus on all we have coming up, but like many things in my life, it’s proving to be easier said than done.
I’m at Alexis’s the night before I am due to fly out, watching her throw tissue paper and bathing suit bottoms around the living room floor. I don’t think she’s quite gotten it that we’re going to Hawaii, but not on vacation. She’s just gone shopping for me and is now demanding I pack at her house, where she can supervise. “Plus,” she said, “you’ll clearly need to borrow everything.”
“See? I told you that you could mix separates,” she says. She holds up a red string thing and black… bottom? Top? It’s hard to tell.
“Don’t you do enough shopping for yourself?” I ask her. “Why do you have to start in with me?”
