I take a seat on a stoop and exhale. The whole of New York is just a block long, and right now no one is here. I wanted to go out when we were in New York, but there wasn’t any time, and Tawny said it would be too crazy. And all I wanted was a moment like this one to soak in the city.
I know this isn’t New York, not even close, but it’s like that old saying—you get what you need.
I sit with my hands on my knees for another twenty minutes, until my butt starts to feel sore. And then I find my way back to the parking garage, check my wrist, and take the elevator up to the third level.
I dial Sandy from the car and fill her in.
“So what now?” she says when I finish.
“Call Amanda,” I say. “I’m ready to work.”
CHAPTER 14
My sister’s weddingis a month later. It seems to come out of nowhere, and when my mom reminds me that I need to book my ticket home, I immediately feel guilty. My sister and I have been talking more these last few months, but I’m Joanna’s maid of honor and besides some phone calls, I haven’t been much help. Not with the planning. Not with the bachelorette party. Not to look after Annabelle the way I would have done while Joanna and my mom ran wedding errands. I didn’t even order my own dress. Jessica did that for me, as a favor. Along with a Just Like Me doll to give to Annabelle for her birthday. I need some face time with my family, before my niece forgets I exist.
I mean, in my pitiful defense, this month has been crazy. Prep for the secondLockedand meetings with nearly every studio exec in the business. We’ve lined up three new projects in as many weeks. Things Amanda and I agree on, even if I have been appeasing her a little. My head is spinning, but it’s good motion. Staying busy is the key, I’ve realized, to moving forward.
Tonight I’m headed to Portland without Rainer. He was going to be my date, back when he was, well, my boyfriend. Alexis is going with Georgina to New York for upfronts. I’m glad we’re all leaving at the same time. They’re the only people I hang out with anymore. I’ve seen Rainer just a few times. He moved back into the Bel Air house. He’s going out. We may be unfinished, but we don’t seem doomed. We’re keeping our promise: I don’t see him out with other girls, and I’m not in touch with Jordan. I’ve even resisted the urge to Google-stalk him. No good can come of that.
“What’s the deal with your sister?” Georgina asks. We’re at lunch. This vegan place called Café Gratitude in Hollywood. Jake would love it here. I, however, suffer through tempeh in silence.
Tailor is with us. I’ve properly met her since the night of the MTV Movie Awards—turns out she’s the star ofLocked’s competing franchise about demons. She’s friends with Georgina, but Alexis thinks she’s intolerable. Personally, I think she’s kind of boring. She always needs to be so pretty and perfect. Her stylist chooses what she wears to the gym.
“She’s not bad,” I say. The truth is I’m not entirely sure how to answer that question. My sister used to be selfish and absent, but she’s changed since Annabelle, and over the course of this last year. It’s like my being gone made us closer. We’re not best friends or anything, but I’ve even started to miss Joanna a little bit, although it could be magnified guilt over not being there to help out at home.
“I wish you were coming to New York,” Alexis says. “I’m going to be so bored while this one”—she elbows Georgina—“does press events all day.”
“I went to upfronts one year!” Tailor squeals. “The CW party rocked.”
“You only think that because you hooked up with Dave Marsh that night,” Georgina says, making a face like she’s just smelled fish.
Alexis rolls her eyes, and it’s not that inconspicuous.
“My second-to-last upfronts,” Georgina says. She leans down and takes a long drag of her spirulina juice. Gross. She looks at me from underneath her lashes. “Then I will be out here all the time with you guys.”
I don’t mention the fact that we’re leaving—soon. We start shooting three weeks after the wedding. Three weeks, and we’ll be back on Maui. All of us. Me. Jordan. Rainer and Alexis—who continues to remain a neutral third party. She and Jordan may have “broken up,” but they’re still friends. I don’t ask her about him, though. I don’t want to put her in an awkward position.
“What’s the latest onCloser?” Alexis asks.
I knee her under the table. Word has leaked that I’m up for the role, but I still haven’t met with Susan. They keep postponing. I have a string of e-mails from James telling me to “keep the faith.” I haven’t heard a peep about it since.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m hoping I still have a shot.”
“I heard you’re jumping through hoops for that project,” Tailor says. “Why?”
I spear a piece of kale. “I love it.”
“You guys are so lucky,” Georgina says wistfully. “If I didn’t have to shoot a million weekends a year—”
“Oh, come on,” Alexis says. “You adore it. Stop whining.”
“It’s true,” Tailor pipes up. “That’s why I never tried TV.”
“You never tried TV because the first thing you ever did was a movie with George Clooney,” Georgina says.
Tailor nods, likefair.
There are photographers around. They’re snapping our photos from the street. I’ve gotten used to chewing with my mouth closed. I try to always smile, but I know I fail at that. There are still articles daily about how I’m “coping” with the loss of Rainer. One photographer caught me sneezing last week, and it looked kind of like I was crying, which was good enough for them.
