“Why, thank you.”
“And I know if you gave me a shot, I would be perfect for this. Maybe you can’t see it, but I can. I promise. I’m your girl.”
“Why don’t you read for us?” Irina asks. I can’t tell if she’s impressed or embarrassed by my outpouring of emotion.
James nods. “That’s why we’re here.”
He hands me a script, but I shake my head. “I memorized the whole thing,” I say. “Just give me a scene.”
James looks impressed. “Billy?”
“Let’s jump right into the belly,” he says. “Why don’t you give us the first live-audience scene?”
I suppress a smile. I was hoping they would choose this one. It’s one of the scenes I know the best.
I stand up and roll out my neck. And then I begin.
The last audition I did was forLocked. I remember stepping into that room—one so much bigger than this. With casting directors and producers and Rainer. I think about how much I relied on him in that audition. It wasn’t even me acting. It wasus. It was the chemistry we have. The way we can just kind of fold into each other in a scene. I know I got the part because he was there, but I don’t think I’ve realized until this moment, reading these lines for Billy and Carl and James and Irina, how much that’s held me back. If I got the role because of Rainer, it means I wouldn’t have gotten it on my own—that maybe I’m not a good enough actress by myself. And it’s this lingering fear—a fear I need to provewrong—that drives the scene. I know now why this role is so important. I can’t just be handed something else. I need to earn it. I need to earnthis.
“That was great,” Irina says when I finish. “You’re a talent.”
I exhale all the breath I’ve been holding.
Billy nods. “I mean, you’re going to have to meet with Susan.”
“Studio head,” James says before I can ask.
“But you’re a find,” Carl says. He swings his feet off the coffee table. “We’re not going to lie to you—there are three other actresses in the running right now who the studio is very interested in. You’ve got some competition.”
I nod. “I assumed,” I say. I don’t think I’m doing a very good job of hiding my disappointment.
“But we’re fans,” James says. “You don’t have to worry about that.”
Billy stands up and takes my hand. His grip is strong as he shakes it. “We’ll see you back with Susan,” he says.
Irina and Carl extend their hands, too. “Great work.”
James walks me out, back to the assistants, who are now playing catch with each other. “Is someone making a coffee run?” he asks them.
Kiernan looks up. “On it.” He stands and pops a credit card into his back pocket. “See ya,” he says to me, and charges out the door.
“He’s untrained,” the girl says. “Sorry.”
James laughs. “Do you need someone to walk you out?”
I shake my head. “I can figure it out.” I followed Ireeka pretty closely. I can easily get back. But that’s not why I say no. I kind of want to explore, just a little bit, on my own.
James holds the door open for me. “I have a good feeling,” he says.
“Does that come in writing?”
He laughs. “Not quite, unfortunately.” He pats me on the shoulder. “We’ll talk soon.”
The parking garage is around to the right, but instead when I get outside I make a left. I follow the pathway up past trailers and people milling around. Some of them look at me, two even come over and offer me assistance, but I just shake my head and tell them I know where I’m going.
I end up in New York. There is a part of the lot that is a makeshift Manhattan. The West Village, I think, but I only know that from oldFriendsreruns. We went to New York on the press tour, but I mostly just saw the inside of the Soho Grand and the sets of talk shows.
This New York is all brownstones and cute walk-up buildings. Old-school traffic lights that hang overhead.
