He winced as if I’d physically slapped him. He stared at me, wordless, pained. His face looked as broken as I felt. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. If you give me one more chance I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. Emotions swirled through me like a storm. Hurt, betrayal, confusion,love.
After a long beat he stepped forward. “I came to get you back. I thought if I signed up for a stint here you could see how much you mean to me and how sorry I am.”
If I meant that much, he never would’ve cheated in the first place, but I didn’t say it, instead I asked a question I didn’t want to hear the answer to, but I needed to know. “How long was the affair going on?”
He looked to a point across the mountains, his lips twisted, seemingly reluctant to share the answer. A group of four noisyboys got out of their car and staggered toward the bar. He waited until they went past.
“How long?” I insisted.
He looked back, pained and guilt ridden. “It happened two times, I was stressed at work. We were barely seeing each other. Kelly was always flirting with me. I lost a patient one night, and we got really drunk and she . . .” He stopped and rubbed his fingers over his mouth, like he thought better of blaming her. “I’m sorry, she means nothing to me, it was just a stupid mistake.”
Twice. His words tore through my heart like a raging fire. “Once is unforgivable, maybe at a stretch a mistake, but twice, Tom, that’s a plan.” I moved my vision off to the dark again for a moment, blinking back tears. Then I raised my chin and met his eye. “It doesn’t matter how many times, because once you lose trust, you can never get it back.”
“Amy, it was a mistake.” His voice rose. “You’ve been in this town for two minutes and I find out you’ve already moved on, with not one, but two men. Both at the same time if the nurses are to be believed. You’re no angel.”
I couldn’t believe my ears, malicious small-town gossip at its best. Anger began to climb, not because of people I didn’t know spreading rumors. I gave about as many fucks as a nun about what they thought. It was because the one man, that should know me above anyone else, didn’t.
“Just go back home, Tom,” I said bitterly. “You’re wasting your time here.” I lurched away from the bar, up the street away from people, away from him. Trying to breathe through the pain.
He followed. His feet tapped on the pavement as he jogged to catch up. “Amy, Amy, stop, just wait.”
“Leave me alone Tom.”
“Amy, will you just stop.” He raised his voice. “Just stop. We aren’t teenagers, we can talk about it.”
I did stop, I swung to him and exploded. “You son of a bitch, you of all people don’t get to question my integrity, at least I waited until I was single, Tom, that’s a hell of lot more than you did.”
His lips jerked into cruel, hard, lines. “At least I’m not out screwing two women at the same time, am I?”
Anger erupted, brain cells departed, and I slapped his cheek.Crack.The sound shot out into the night like gun fire.
He twisted his head just before it connected, still my palm landed so hard it burnt. A red mark stained his face. He stared at me shocked, then hurt. But not physically, well, maybe a bit, if my palm reflected how his face felt. But it was more he looked upset and bewildered. Somehow that was worse than if he’d been furious. We’d never ever used any form of violence in our relationship, we’d hardly ever even argued.
I felt a flash of guilt, then shame, but neither trumped my anger.
I hissed, “Technically, you were, Tom.”
He took a step back, turned half away. He looked at the ground for a long stretch.
He nodded like someone spoke into his head. “Okay, I deserved that. Okay.” He rubbed his hand roughly over his face as if wiping off the red mark and blew out a ragged breath. “I deserve everything you throw at me, scream, yell, hit me, Amy. Whatever you need. But please, honey.” His voice cracked. “Give me another chance.”
Tears trickled freely down my face. My fingers went to heart as I tried to quell the fire roaring through my chest.
Karson, now Tom. Or Tom, now Karson.
There was so much pain.
For a moment I couldn’t breathe. I just stood there, burning and burning and burning.
Until the walls collapsed in and I was left hollowed and empty.
I couldn’t deal with it, not now. I walked off, scrubbing the tears off my face with my knuckles.
Tom reached out and clutched my arm, swinging me back. His grip was firm enough so I would have to yank hard in order to make my getaway.
I gritted my teeth. “Let me go, Tom.”
