Be there in ten,I reply.
I close the laptop. Stand. Try to shake off the restless energy that’s been crawling under my skin since last night.
Since I walked away from Jess and called Ethan for open mat because rolling hard on the mats and getting the shit kicked out of me (and kicking ass in return) was the only way to burn off the need clawing through me.
When I went home, I lay awake thinking about her breathing technique. The one she taught Ben. The one I use in board calls now because it actually fucking works.
The one that reminds me every single time that she’s not just good at her job.
She’s essential.
And that terrifies me.
Because essential means I need her.
And needing someone means I can lose them.
Just like I lost Isotta.
Fuck. It’s a vicious circle.
Honestly I’m not sure if it’s guilt or fear that’s holding me back.
Probably both.
I grab my jacket and head toward the test kitchen. The hallway is quiet. Most of the ops team won’t be in until nine. Just me and the early crew prepping for service.
The test kitchen smells like garlic and burnt butter when I walk in. Matteo’s at the stove scowling at a pan like it personally insulted his mother.
“What’s the problem?” I ask.
He gestures at the pasta. “Texture’s off. Too slick. Saucewon’t grab.”
I move to the station. Check the water ratio. The timing. The pull technique.
There.
“You’re overcooking by thirty seconds,” I tell him. “And your emulsion broke because you added the pasta water too fast.”
He mutters something in Italian that I don’t catch but definitely involves questioning my ancestry.
I almost smile.
ThisI can fix. A broken emulsion. Timing adjustments.Mise en placethat needs tightening.
This is control that actually matters.
Not the kind Gideon called me out on yesterday.
If you confuse control with care, you’ll lose both.
The words have been sitting in my chest like a stone since he said them.
Because he’s right.
I know he’s right.
I’ve been confusing the two since Isotta died. Maybe even before that. Tightening my grip on everything I could reach because if I just controlled enough variables then nothing bad could happen.
