“You need to take these twice a day for two weeks or until we get your test results back. They will take care of many of the common risks associated with being stuck with a used needle. I’m not saying they will be all you need, but until we know more, it’s the best we can do.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Reaching for the bottle, my hand closes over Xander’s fingers when he doesn’t let go of the bottle when I expect him to. “Maybe she’s right, though. I had no business involving myself.”
“I meant what I said.” Xander catches my gaze once more. “Patient safety is number one and we all worked together to help him. These results are… terrible, and I am sorry, Snow. But it is not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” Now that I’m back present in my own mind, I start replaying everything over in my mind. “How unaware was I that I didn’t even notice the prick of a needle?”
“Snow…”
“No, think about it! Those things hurt! How could I be so careless? I can’t even track what happened to the needle after it was in the patient and I don’t understand how it even ended up in my arm because it was chaos, but how could I not know?”
“Snow, listen to me.”
“No!” I slide from the bed and push past him, pacing around the bed to gain distance. “Jen’s right. She might have a shitty way of saying it, but she’s right. My head is all over the place, I’m not sleeping, I’m not thinking straight. I’m endangering all these people around me, including the patients. I had no business even being there?—”
My tirade halts when Xander appears before me and his firm hands grasp my shoulders. “Snow. Stop. Take a deep breath.”
I’m about to tell him I’m fine when an ache forms across my chest and I realize I’m panting.
I’mpanicking.
“Now I could be sick. Really sick. This could be the end, I could have killed myself because I was so careless and I?—”
“Snow!”
For the first time in my life, I hear Xander raise his voice, and it’s so alarming that I stop dead, not even breathing.
“Breathe,” he instructs firmly. “Follow me.Breathe.”
My lips part and a ragged gasp drags past my lips.
Then another.
Xander exaggerates his breathing for me to follow and within thirty seconds, the ache in my chest begins to fade.
“You lost someone close to you,” Xander says, his voice back to his normal level. “And it was sudden. No one can fault you for not having your head together. But your actions with that patient are my responsibility and I saw nothing wrong with how you acted. It will be easy for you to spiral, but please, trust me that I will do everything I can to get you swift results and help you with whatever those results are.”
“Why?” I gasp, lifting trembling fingers to my lips. “Why would you even care?”
“Because I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you,” Xander replies. “And I know how painful these things can be when you’re alone.” His jaw jumps faintly, and while his hands fall away from my shoulders, he remains close. “Come home with me, Snow. Let me take care of you.”
This goes far beyond doctor-patient care, and Jen would have a fit.
But I don’t care.
Going back to my cold apartment after today sounds like hell.
Going back to Xander’s apartment might be against my better judgment, but his company is the only thing keeping me grounded.
“Okay.” I nod slowly. “I’ll come back with you.”
10
XANDER
Snow sits on the stool at the island counter, both her hands clasped together.
Her damp hair, freshly showered, drapes to one side drying against the towel around her shoulders.
