He’s so visibly angry and hurt that all I want to do is take him in my arms and soothe him. But I can’t.
This is my fault.
Letting my fears get the better of me is hardly an excuse in the wake of the harsh truth. “Xander…”
“I only really stopped by to tell you that you’ve been assigned a new primary care physician.”
“What? You don’t want to see me anymore or something?”
Xander’s frown deepens. “I couldn’t operate on you, Noelle. I couldn’t do it. When I found out about the baby, everything clouded. I couldn’t understand how the trust I thought we had clearly didn’t exist in your mind. I passed your surgery on to Fred, but it drew some concerns, and my inability to operate on you forpersonalreasons means the Board found out about our relationship.”
My stomach curls and falls right out of me.
“I’m on probation pending a full investigation.”
34
XANDER
My apartment is empty.
Cold.
Being placed on probation means no surgery for the foreseeable future.
Usually, I’d throw myself into work to distract myself, but with that no longer an option, all I can do is sit at home and wait for the inevitable end of my career.
Not that it bothers me.
Noelle does.
Snow.
Sitting on the couch surrounded by my cats, I try not to think about her but it’s next to impossible.
The decorations twinkle at me, lacking the warmth they had when Snow put them up.
Even the lights are duller despite how I turned them all on to try and give my apartment some kind of homely warmth.
Everything is dull.
Even my own heart.
Willow chirrups softly and kneads her claws into my leg, then burrows in on herself until she’s a perfect circle. Rustle sleeps over my feet and Tiger is spread out along the back of the couch, belly exposed.
Even they aren’t enough to keep the pain at bay.
Every so often, I’m struck with the urge to call her.
Our argument in the hospital two days ago was needed, but I was consumed by anger and disbelief then.
Now that I’ve had time to think things over for the hundredth time, the pain remains but the anger has faded somewhat.
Until my thoughts cycle around to the fact that she lied to me.
Even in her bed she tried to continue the lie as if the truth wasn’t black and white on the paper.
Had I not shown her how much I cared about her?
