I have to get this out.
Even if it kills everything good in my life.
“Goddammit, Andi,” I hiss. “I know I’m not your knight in shining fucking armor. I’m the twisted monster holding you hostage. I’m the shadow curling itself into your bones and snatching you into the darkness I’ve lived in for two decades. I’m the asshole that never means to save you from your past. I’m the one that craves your tears, your blood, and your scars. I’m the person who needs to know the bits of yourself that everyone else thought were too difficult or immoral to handle. I want the corners you’ve hidden and the desires no one else understands. And that’s…fuck, that’s something no one on the outside will ever understand," I say desperately.
Her nostrils flare with emotion as she shifts on her feet, our tear-lined eyes unable to move from one another.
I'm splintering inside with the unknown, bearing everything I am to her.
Because fuck it.
"I know I’m not good enough for you," I go on. "I know I’ll never be the savior you deserve. No matter how willing you are, I shouldn’t be dragging you into the hollows behind me. You’re meant to be guided into the sunlight—”
“And what if I’m tired of being blinded by the sun?” she asks, her jaw tight. “What if I’m tired of being burned by its promises? What if flying too close to it has hurt me more than the darkness ever did?” She pauses to wipe the tear off her scraped cheek, and it pains me that I wasn’t the one to catch it.
“Dammit, Maddox… what if the hollows are my home, too, and I’ve been too terrified of my own shadow to see it?”
I'm fucking numb.
She wants…
“Of course, I want to be seen with you,” she goes on, her voice trembling. “I want every person who ever doubted you to know you’re not him. I want you to feel free enough that your mask becomes a choice, not a death sentence.”
She finishes crossing the space between us. Our fingertips meet in a way that makes us both flinch before we sink into that touch.
“I wantyou, Maddox,” she says in a broken tone. “But I can’t watch you get taken away from me and everything you love because someone else can’t see the same parts of you that I do.”
My chest caves, eyes closing as I tug her into me.
“If we’re going to share the same darkness, you have to know that you can’t protect me from the assholes outside with pitchforks who swear you’ll be safer without me,” I tell her. “We’re not kids anymore, Andi,” I say softly. “You don’t have to protect me. Let me be there for you.Let me protectyou—to hell with everyone who thinks I’m dragging you down.”
Her body sinks slightly as if she’s suddenly weak, and I press my lips to hers for a gentle, promising kiss that has me hugging her for long after our lips part.
“I’m still not going to the hospital,” she says into my chest after a few beats.
God fucking dammit.
“Fine,” I concede. I release her only to get my phone from the counter, and she frowns when she sees me bring up James’s number to text him.
“What are you—”
“I don’t have what I need for this cut,” I tell her. “Just sending him a list of things to pick up from the store.”
Stress hives rise on her neck in splotches of red. She looks down at the ground and tucks her hair back, shame written in her eyes.
I don’t want her to be embarrassed by this.
This wasn’t her fault.
None of it waseverher fault.
I send the list to James, and after he replies with a thumbs-up emoji, I peer at her again.
“I need to clean this,” I say. “And… and your head.”
She nods without speaking.
Every time the water hits one of her wounds in the shower, she flinches, and as I clean the knife wound, she grips my other arm so tight that my hand goes numb.
