"I don't care what they think," he finally said.
"Yes, youdo,” she argued. “Your people mean more to you than your own life."
"And what if you meant more?"
It pained her to see the confirmation in his eyes.
"Then I would say you've completely lost your mind," she affirmed. "We hardly know each other."
"I know how I feel," he argued. "I know how you make me feel. And I—“
"Nadir, what are you going to do when it comes time for negotiations? When I request to be in that room and they all speak out saying they do not want me there? Will you put your entire life and position on the line to keep me in there?"
"I trust you."
"They don't," she confirmed. "I have to prove myself worthy of their trust, and I will not have you risking your position for me."
"What does that mean?" he asked. “For us?"
That word again.
"It means... It means we cannot be as we were today and every other day in front of your people. You have to show just as much of an aversion towards me as they do. You have to let me earn their trust."
"Is that what you want?"
"What I want doesn't matter anymore."
“Yes, it does,” he said, stepping towards her. “What you want always matters. I want to know what you want, Nyssari. Do you want me? Do you want us—whatever this is?"
“Of course I want you," she choked. "Nadir, I want you as I want to breathe. I want to know everything there is to know about you. I want to hear every secret you've ever had. I want to know all your own fears and doubts. I want to tell you everything about me while I lie in your arms. I want... I want to fight with you, get angry at you. I want to storm off, and you come rushing back in to call me out on my bullshit. I want to read fantastical stories and hear you tell them in this language and the old. I want to wake up beside you and see the sunlight on your face, to kiss away every darkened thought that comes in your head. I wantyou. I want the real you. I want to learnyou."
He was standing before her, a glisten in his eyes. She was trembling, and a tear rolled down her cheek as she forced the rest of the words.
"And it's because of how much I want you that I know we have to make a choice."
"Nyssa, don’t—“
"Commander of your people is the only thing you've ever wanted to be," she cut him off. "I will not be the reason they take that away from you. If they continue to think I am worthless in this war and you are favoring me, they will. I know your people love you, but this war is terrifying for all of us. They would remove you at the first sign of doubt. And me... I have to prove myself worthy of their trust. People think I am weak and submissive because of who I am. That because I am the Princess, I will sit back in fluffy dresses and have no contribution to this war. Spoiled and dependent on someone else to fight my battles. They think I don't understand the danger or logistics of this. You heard them the other night when we were on that jetty. No matter how much either of us wants to tell them the truth, you know as well as I that they will not believe it."
"So we make them listen."
"No," she said, her voice almost breaking. "No, I can't let you do that. I can't let you risk what you've worked for your entire life for this. I won't have your people thinking just because we are together that you are allowing me in that room." She paused, closing her eyes and sighing as the frustration swelled in her chest.
"We have two choices," she finally said.
"Don't do this, Princess," he whispered, an audible tremor in his voice.
But she had to.
"We can either keep this a secret—“
"Nyssa, people have eyes," he interjected. "They're going to know."
"Then guard your face when you're around me. Pretend you hate me. I don't know how else we can keep each other if not to do this."
Nadir slumped onto the sand as though his knees had suddenly given way. A surrender to the conversation that made her nervous.
"You certainly know how to break a heart," he said in a tight voice.
