Stares that reminded her of their reality.
They'd had a day of bliss together, and Nyssa knew it was the only day she could allow them to have.
They couldn't be. Not in front of these people. Not right now. She would have to earn their trust before she could be seen on his arm again.
The knot that wove itself around her heart confused her. There was an overwhelming buzz in her ears with the decision. So much so that she barely picked at her food.
She didn't understand why it hurt so much.
Lex had given her arm a squeeze when she sat beside her as if she could tell what was wrong. And by the time Nyssa excused herself early, she was shaking.
The slender moons' light cascaded over the darkened water when she sat in the surf to think. She was so confused. So upset with herself that she'd allowed the one thing she told herself couldn't happen to happen. She'd opened up that whisper of doubt in his people's ears, and she just hoped she could squash it before it became too much.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
"YOU'RE TOO GUARDED there," Nadir pointed out later when he'd brought the bamboo sticks to the beach to meet her, long after dinner had subsided and he'd helped them clean up. She could use the practice to ease her mind, and honestly, she was hoping it would help her figure out how to tell him what she had to.
"Relax your shoulders." He came around behind her, placing his hands over hers as he explained the wipeout. And when he walked back around to set up, she tried it. Nadir didn't hold back. He came at her hard, forcing her to jump when he swiped at her legs. She landed on one knee and pulsed the stick out for his legs.
It caught his shin, and Nadir cursed to the sky.
"Oh fuck," she realized as she actually hurt him.
"Dammit, Princess," he cursed, limping it off.
"Shit—I’m sorry," she said as she darted for him.
But Nadir laughed, wincing when he met her gaze but smiling anyway. “Don't be. That was good." He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her forehead. "Just give me a minute to walk it off before you try to kill me again."
She almost laughed, but she settled against the bamboo instead, cheek lying on it as she watched him walk in a circle, his limp slowly disappearing.
Every time he looked at her, her heart dropped to her stomach.
"You going to tell me what was wrong at dinner?" he asked after a few moments.
"What do you mean?" she lied.
"Every time I looked at you... Your smile felt forced. You looked at me as though I were dying."
"I don’t—“
"Nyssa, please," he begged as he picked up his stick. "Tell me what's wrong. Tell me why after all those things we've said to each other and shared the last few days, you suddenly could not stand to look at me in the presence of my people."
She bit the insides of her mouth, her eyes darting to the ground and then back to him.
She could do this. She could tell him.
But her heart felt like someone was twisting a knife in it.
"Your people hate me," she finally blurted. "They hate me, and they hate seeing me with you. They—“
"Why do you care what they think?" he asked.
"Because I do not want them to think less ofyou," she said, voice sticking in her throat. "Every time they see us together, I can see them beginning to doubt your judgment." Her mouth felt full of sap, and she had to force the words out. "What... What happens when they decide you're favoring me?"
Nadir paused, and she watched as it sank in. He shifted as he leaned against his own stick, mirroring her. Jaw clenching, eyes blinking as though biting back the look in the gaze he washed out to the ocean...
He already knew what she had seen and had perhaps chosen to ignore it. And the realization of it made the lump rise in her throat when he met her eyes once more.
