“Robin”—Skyler didn’t only sound confused, he sounded scared “—could you ... could you look at me, please?”
I let out a shuddering breath and met his eyes, amazed that I didn’t instantly melt or burst into flame.
“I’m sorry,” Skyler repeated. “I don’t want to force my friendship on you. I just ... I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
I couldn’t take this anymore. “Force yourfriendship—seriously? You really have no ...? Okay, so, you’re naïve, I get it; it’s sweet and sexy but it’s also damn infuriating, you know?” Oh shit, weweredoing this. “I’ve never beengood at this becauseI’msupposed to be naïve too! Only not naïve like you, naïve like I believe in true love and bluebirds and crap. But the point isoneof us has to be, y’know,notnaïve, and I guess that’s me, so here goes.” I took a deep breath. “When I asked you out—when I said Ilikedyou—it wasn’t as afriend, it was because I’m attracted to you and not only because you keep saving my ass, although yeah, that might have something to do with it.”
Skyler was staring at me with his mouth open.
But I wasn’t done. Nowhere near. “And I know I said it was possible to maintain a friendship with someone you have feelings for, and it is, but not forme. Because I’m garbage. Garbage with feelings for you. And it’syour faultbecause you’re funny and thoughtful and shyandbrave, and you can stand naked in front of a room full of people but you blush when you mention the girl you love. It’s even the fact that youhave a girl you love—how sick is that, right? But—but that’s not the point. The point is ... the point is I really,reallylike you and every time you show up and save me or simply do somethingwonderful, it makes it so much worse, and I want to hate you but I can’t because I ... because Ican’t. And I know you’re just being you and wonderful and well-meaning and all, and I probably shouldn’t have said any of this and, you know what, I’m gonna leave now okay?”
I tried to run, but this time his hand came down on my arm—still gentle—but also somehowpleading.
I gasped. “I— Sorry, but I need to—”
He held up his other hand. “Give me a second.” He looked like his brain was going to overheat. His brows were furrowed and his mouth was all twisted up in pain.
“Robin.” He spoke slowly, carefully. He took a deep breath. “I think you’re great, you know? You’re so fun to hang out with, and I value you a lot as a friend, but, um. When I said that Delia was the only person I’d ever liked, I meant it. I’ve never felt attraction to anyone else.”
His hand on my arm slid off, and I had to fight the urge to grab it up with both of mine. But I let him keep talking. Destroying me with every single word.
“It’s always been like that, and I’d come to terms with being asexual, but then that one time with Delia happened, and I don’t know, maybe that was a fluke. I-I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can feel that again. Not the way that you do.”
I tried to laugh, and surprise, surprise, it came out as a sob, wracking through me as a spasm. I covered my mouth, trying to keep it in, to stop being so horrible, so selfish, so completely and totally unlovable—
“No, please don’t.” Skyler reached for me again. “I’m sorry—I ... I need to think.”
I shied away from him and desperately wiped away tears. “Okay. Yeah. N-n-no worries.” And then finally I ran.
Worst. Person. In. The.World.
The good news was that by the time I’d made it to Armand’s office, I was pretty much all cried out. The bad news was that when I got there, he took one look at my face and barked, “What the hell happened, Titch?”
“You first,” I hiccupped. When I’d got there, he’d been curled up in his office chair, head in his hands. “Did things not go well with Lucas?”
“He couldn’t make it. We’ll try again at the con, don’t worry about it.” Armand scowled, fully deploying those eyebrows. “Titch, I’m serious. Have you been crying?”
I leaned against the doorframe and considered my options. For about two seconds. “It happened again.” I sobbed. So much for being cried out.
“What happened again?”
I told him about Terri, and about Skyler being Batman, but before I could get into what had happened tonight, Armand stopped me and clarified, “This boy’s been harassing you?”
I hugged myself and nodded. “Yeah, but this time was different. I ... I’ll report him.”
“You’d better.” He gave me a wretched but determined smile and pointed to a piece of paper stuck to the corkboard over his desk. “Or I’ll have to. I’m a mandatory reporter.”
I laughed through my tears. “You wouldn’t know where tobegin!”
He blushed, and it was so endearing I wanted to ruffle his hair. His greasy, greasy hair. “I’d figure it out. Shut it,” he growled, then gave me another concerned scowl. “Whatelsehappened?”
Of course he could tell.
Slowly, painfully, I told him what had gone on with Skyler. As I talked, his posture became more and more rigid and his face paled. When I was done, he just stared at me.
“You ran?” he asked incredulously. “He came out to you and youran?”
I shook my head. “He didn’t come out to me; weren’t you listening? He did theopposite—”
