“Eli used to love this series. I used to read it to him before bed.”
“Then you should get it for him,” I say.
She hesitates, then nods. “Yeah. Maybe I will.”
We move from shop to shop like that, quiet and unhurried. Slowly, she starts to talk more.
Nothing deep or heavy, just little things like how she’s looking forward to wrapping Eli’s gifts next weekend, how she’s been thinking about taking us all to the winter festival the day after New Year’s Eve.
How she’s thinking about repainting the shop once it’s safe again.
Each word feels like her stitching a piece of herself back together one at a time.
When we finally stop for lunch at the cafe, I find us a small corner booth.
She sits across from me, her cheeks flushed from the cold and her hands wrapped around a mug of hot coffee topped with a mountain of cold foam.
“This was a good idea,” she admits after a while, voice quiet but sincere.
“Yeah?” I lean back, pretending to play it cool though relief slices through me like dowsing my cold hand under hot water to unthaw it.
“Yeah.” She looks out the window at the snow falling, her reflection overlapping with the lights outside. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
My hand tightens around my own mug, slight fear creeping in. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”
When she turns back to me again, her eyes are slightly shimmering with tears. “I wanted to apologize.”
For the life of me, I can’t even fathom what the hell she feels guilty enough to apologize over.
For being down about what happened?
It’s understandable.
For being a ghost in her own home?
Also understandable.
Her life has changed drastically in the past few weeks. If she had been acting like everything is normal, I’d be even more concerned.
“Noelle, whatever it is?—”
“About Eli,” she interrupts me, shutting me up instantly.
She looks down into her coffee then, refusing to make eye contact with me.
My heart thuds hard in my chest, the fear from earlier turning a little more sour.
I’m not bitter about her hiding the truth from me—far from it, actually.
I get it, I really do.
I just wish she would’ve said something sooner so I could’ve,we could’ve, protected her.
“I…” She huffs a soft laugh, though it doesn’t at all sound genuine. “I thought by keeping him a secret from you guys, it would make everyone’s lives easier. Guess I was completely wrong about that, huh.”
My head shakes. “Don’t do that to yourself. You were scared. I get it.”
Her hand tightens around her mug again. “Still…now you guys are all dragged into my mess. I got Eli involved with Jared because I was trying to replace the father figure I wanted him to have. I should’ve…”
