Penn, how long have I watched you? I’ve watched you forever. You’ve been in my eyes since kindergarten. I had promised you that first day when Blake and his mate pushed you over in the mud. When I reached my hand out for your tiny one that I would always hold you tight and protect you. I whispered to you I would have your back forever. And then helped you up. You smiled the smallest smile up at me, whipped your hands down your now muddy dress with the forget-me-not flowers on it, and walked inside. I watched you and I fell in love with you. I’ve been watching you ever since.
So that’s what I sent back to her. I sent her just that one word.
Forever.
Waiting for her reply, I know I should have given her the above statement. I knew this day would come, but I just hoped that she would remember me before now.
Forever huh….
I smile at her reply. She is so locked inside herself that she can’t get out of her head. Afraid of the reactions of others, she locks herself away. She is a brilliant writer. She has the most exquisite way with words, yet she locks herself away inside Carrie’s ivy tower, the tower I own, and allows others to reap the brilliance that her words weave. Biting my lip, I typed back to her.
Yes, forever from that day, forget-me-nots have always been my favourite.
Trying hard to pull her out of herself to drag thoughts of us from forever ago to the front of her mind to shadow over his lies. The lies he feeds her to keep her. Break her. Silence her.
My mind runs over the message Carrie sent me after that night. I pulled her shaking body from the waves crashing over her soul, taking more of her to the sea out into the darkness to never return the same. She loves the way the world lies to her. She holds onto it all like it’s her own truth. Blames the heartache and sadness on herself and finds mistakes inside empty truths that aren’t hers to own. She wades in the dark depths of water looking for something, anything to help her imagine that there is something in this world for her, not just the sadness of people leaving and knowing that she is worth something. That she doesn’t have to be the one who has to always give things up and fix all that is breaking. I have forever wanted to help her know her worth and allow her to wonder and dream on the stars that she is worth it all; she is worth all the gold and forget-me-not bouquets.
Dane, let’s get serious for a moment. I remember you. I know it was you who helped her up that day. She spoke about you after that. But you see, she was blinded by Blake even way back then.
But it wasn’t until high school…I cut her off, and she held her hand up.
I know it wasn’t but still destined to be. The beautiful writer, quite geeky with glasses and the brute, the rugby player with family money and good looks. It was a romance story for the pages, even way back then. We both saw what would happen. Both knew it deep down. No matter how much you and I wished it wouldn’t, they still crashed and look at it all now fucking burning around her, and where is he? Doing what he does best… Run… Hide… fuck her over and up because he knows he can because she loves him, and I’m sorry has always worked for him…
You know I love her like a sister. I loved Blake, too. But he outgrew her spirit, and it scared him, her beauty. She’s alwaysbeen a wild moon child…. But…. Fuck Dane, she changed when they lost Gracie. She was fearless. Pain made her fear nothing, and she dove deeper into that darkness holding onto it like a dream catcher wanting it to take her to Gracie. Wanting it to be the anchor to pull her down further into the pits of hell because she was finding it hard to stand and support him, so she stopped she just embraced the storm that was grief and went at it with all she had and no longer needed him to hold on to. Not realizing it was her clothes and soul he clung to. He hated it. He wanted a different story. A different life. One that wasn’t laced with her shadow and the label of death of a child that hung deep around his neck. She blames herself for Gracie dying, but it was Blake and his wayward zest for the wild side that caused that crash that night. That nearly took them both from him. He wanted so much for it to be him, but God made sure he stayed to live with the pain of poor decisions. You’ve been watching, you know. I’ve been walking through it with her for years. She was always the rose, and he was always the sharp thorn stabbing anything that got too close to her remarkable soul and beautiful smile. She was and still is so blinded by him. His eyes, his charm and all the lies he made her believe were promises. He doesn’t make her laugh or take her out. He’s never home anymore. He’s completely thrown himself into that fucking bar. That is half the reason shit is this way. It was always his dream to have a bar. Because he loves the taste of liquor and the feeling the attention gives him. He loves the ladies too much. He and his old teammates have never grown out of that high school era and Penn did. She was becoming bigger than he ever thought she would; she was blooming, and he hated it all. Her dreams were coming true, and he beat them down and out of her. He made her only want to chase his dream. Chase him. He was the high school hero, and she was the candy that he had tied to his soul to make all around him love him more. Shewould follow him down any road he led her until he couldn’t anymore. But the sound of that woman will always haunt him.
All she had ever wanted was someone who made her laugh, wanted someone who would snuggle on the couch with her and watch funny movies. She needs someone who will take care of her, be patient with her, and also be able to get her out of her own head. And push her further than she thinks she can go. To chase her dreams of owning her own publishing house. To write her novel, to be her grandmother and her mother. To be more than them but still hold their dreams with her own.
All he wanted to do was change her. Hide her. Lock her dreams away in a dark attic where spider webs bleed so thick that she could no longer feel the power of her words and how magical her fingers are. Her words bleed emotion; her fingers touch the souls of people, and her ever-changing passion for more draws out breaths of humans that only the best wish they could hold. It’s a special power. She can make people’s blood run hot and cold at the same time. Transport them away to a place where their souls are on fire yet dancing on shards of ice. She’s magic, Dane, our Penn is pure white magic. And Dane, it’s your time now. After years of boring, unfulfilling sex, I think there is a part of her that is waking up and wanting a little more. Some adult romance. Some wild sex and some serious conversations, and a deep connection. She deserves it all, Dane.
Remembering that, like it just happened, has me wanting to fly home and give all of this to her. To show her the boy who fell in love with her at four years old and watched her grow, fall and cry, but above all else, lose herself, and I want nothing more than to give that back to her. Give herself back, taped together with washi tape, soft kisses and understanding.
I just hope when she knows it all she won’t run and I will lose her forever.
Forget me nots hmmmm… I remember them being on the walls of your bathroom and home. Your favorite huh?
Sure is. A girl way back when wore them on her dress, and I’ve loved them ever since.
A girl way back when. Should I be jealous?”
I can’t help but smile at her playfulness. I love it when she’s like this. Carefree. It’s when she talks to me like this that I brace for the crash landing, because I know Blake will make her crash, and I will always scoop her up to make her smile again.
Jealous no. No one has ever come close to her.
OUCH!! my heart…. Harsh….
I can’t help but laugh. She makes every high and every low feel better.
Oh, Peach, if only you knew.
Tonight, I need you more than I ever have… can you tell me about her?
Why?? What happened tonight?
Just Blake…
Oh….What a stupid question to ask… What’s he done now?
Tell me why do men think it’s ok to use a woman’s body as their personal playground, but where it borders pain more than pleasure and think that they would be into that?
