This is how I get your attention. You leave me with nothing for hours. My body needs you.
My body doesn’t need someone who thinks women can be spoken to with such disregard for their worth.
Pandora, come on, women love this type of stuff deep down. Isn’t that what’s in the books y'all read, giving men such unrealistic expectations.
He questions me in a way to make me feel like I’m in the wrong. Blake he never fucked. He was never even interested in trying anything new. It was straight plain jane vanilla always, nothing exciting. So, this right here is a shock.
I don’t want to be with someone who thinks that this is what women want? Someone who thinks it’s ok to just go around saying this type of caveman shit and randomly screwing girls with no regard to their commitment and values. How would you feel if I just said to you, I want to fuck you till you couldn’t walk no more and forget your name? How would you feel?
A few moments tick pass as I watch his dots float over the screen in reply, then disappear and float again. This happens a few times before his words pop up.
The guys say all girls love this shit. The dating app types are pent-up bunnies wanting a guy to fuck them like they don’t matter.
Oh, how very sad for you and your guys, then Blake, this so-called dating app bunny isn’t into that type of caveman shit. Maybe in another time, if you had approached it without so much force and sexual violence, then I could have been interested in the hair-pulling wild sex.
Pandora, please, I’m just so fucking lonely. And lost. She fucks with my head. Seeing her with another guys kills my soul but you… Pandora you.. You make me want to fall and do all the things I wanted to do with her but knew she wouldn’t.
You can’t make me into her, Blake. I’m not what you threw away.
How do you know I threw her away….?
Biting my lip, I try to run my mind back through every message he’s sent me. Hoping at least one had why he wasn’t with her… With me.. fuck my mind isn’t working, and a message finally from Dane pops over my screen. A reply to my question, my heart is hammering faster now, knowing I have to read his reply into something deep. Then, knowing that Blake may now be questioning things a little more. But as I unpacked it a little,trying to calm myself, I knew he’s so infatuated with Pandora that he wouldn’t look too deep. He’s like a kid with a new toy. It’s all he sees until the shine wears off and another toy is offered shinier than the last.
Then comes a message from Blake again this time softer.Masked party at my bar tonight starts at midnight…Please come….Please we can keep our masks on…
I let the message fall into the space of my empty room…Masked party, maybe this could be it the night I let it all free.
Then comes a message from him. The man I shouldn’t want but can’t stop waiting for.If I tell you, can you promise you won’t freak out?
The words punch straight through my rib cage, leaving me suspended in a breath I suddenly can’t remember how to release.
Dane
Locked in meetings after meetings when all I want is to be by her side.
My phone vibrates on the table. Her name, like a neon sign, pulls my attention away from a multi-million-dollar merger and to her. The colour of her eyes when the moonlight hits them. Her lips and the way they move when she speaks.
All I want is to keep her. Lock her away and worship her. “Mr. Sparks, um excuse me Mr. Sparks.” The blonde to my left touches my tailored suit covering my arm and her touch burns through the two-thousand-dollar fabric like acid. She’s not Penn and her touch alone feels like I’m cheating. I pull my arm back fast and knock over the glass of water on the table, causing the water to seep over the solid oak and through the stack of files and contracts in from oh me. “Fuck,” I belt out, pushing myself to my feet. Her cheeks flame red as the rest of the table lookson in horror, gasping a few scrambles to help with paper towels, blondie’s eyes bleed glassing tears, her embarrassment obvious. “Never touch me again.” I bite as she offers me a paper towel and tried to pull the wet contracts from my hands.
“I’m ssss-oooo sorry, sir.” Her stutter annoys me.
I’m usually not so rude. What the hell is wrong with me?
“It’s fine, just don’t do it again.” Pulling at my jacket. “Gentleman if that’s all for the day, I have phone calls to make, questions to answers?” I question the room as they look at me. The business manager I have for this merger and also my lawyer looks at me and wonders why I’m calling it when we were so close. “Um sir well?” my lawyer questions. “We should.” I held my hand up and cut him off. Addressing the room. “Mr. Thompson, my company will not pay you double what your brother has asked for because to be fair, that’s just fucking ridiculous and you, as a fair business executive, know that. Your family dynamics, or lack of, have nothing to do with me. I’ve been dealing with your father right up to his death and for that I am so sorry, but I will not have you, your brother or anyone else pull on my heartstrings. There is no heart in business, especially one this cutthroat.” Picking up my phone smiling at the image of Penn sleeping wrapped inside my sheets lights up my screen. She’s the best wallpaper. Sliding the phone into my breast pocket and sliding the slightly wet papers over towards my lawyer and Mr. Thompson. They can finish the rest without me. I have already signed what I’ve needed to do. These contracts are all in my favor with minor changes that can be made without me here.
“But what I will do as a friendly gesture because I respected your father is add in 10% shares for the next five years for you to continue without me this evening. I will keep all your staff on, and I will also continue with the scholarship program yourmother had set out for young women to be seen and given the same work in a male-dominant world, because that is rather important to me.” He stands, walks over to me, pressing out my shoulders and taking a deep breath, I place my hand in front of me. “Deal?” Thompson looks down at my hand and back up to me. “I just want this whole shit show with my brother and his greed to be over with, so deal.” He shakes my hand and with that I leave the room that for the last four hours I have sat in and listened to negations and unrealistic expectations. I didn’t become this rich and powerful overnight like most of the men in there. No, I worked my ass off to get to where I am today.
“Mr. Sparks my driver opens the car door waiting for me outside the building that in a few weeks, I will call my own and it will sit inside Stark’s Shipping Co portfolio. “John” I nod towards him. “Beautiful evening isn’t.” His eyes followed mine towards the stars. “That it is sir.” A small smile moves the corners of his tired eyes.
“Where to, sir?” he asks me as I lower my body into the luxurious backseat of this matte black Audi. “Back to my apartment, John.” He nods, closing my door. I follow the lights, and they blur past me as John waves us through the busy streets of Sydney, taking me to my penthouse suite of residence at Barangaroo.
I stare at my cellphone as I slip from my suit inside the privacy of the penthouse. Sitting high above the harbour. Sipping a glass of scotch with shards of cold ice. How do I explain this to her? How do I tell her I loved her long before I had the right to do so.
I’ve always been a risk-taker. I’ve had to. To get here at this moment now. To be successful, I’ve had to take risks and be cutthroat. But this one question is giving me anxiety, and that’s a feeling I’m not used to.
How long have you watched me?
Opening the saved Word note in my phone, my eyes skim over the words, the words I have typed and retyped, knowing they would need to be said.
