I look away from him out over the water. My skin’s feeling itchy, it’s too tight on my bones, suffocating because he sees through it. Right down into my soul. I love it but I hate it. My eyes dip to my trembling hands around my coffee cup as he lowers to his knees before me.
“You are mine, little bird, and I told you I’d give it all up for you.”
“We know nothing about each other, other than the dark, 81. How is that meant to work?” I ask him.
“Easy. We find that shit out, little bird. Take our time and ask questions.” He laughs at me as my brows rise.
“Like normal people dating?” his eyes light up as a teasing smile plays on his lips.
“Yup, just like that dating game on telly. What’s it called? First dates or some shit. Maybe it was the love is blind one. That one wasn’t half bad. I don’t know, little bird. Lilly was watching it one day when she was struggling. She was in my bed, in my room and I couldn’t escape it.”
I couldn’t help but laugh and pull him into my body “You’re such a sweet man wrapped inside a beast’s body, 81.”
“I think you’ve lost your mind if you think that, little bird,” he mouths into my lips, so close that I pull his bottom lip into my teeth and bite down softly. His sharp intake of air does things to my ovaries.
I feel the wood in the arm of the chair crackle under his grip and know that he feels it too. This fucked-up, we could get so lost, it could kill us both, feeling.
I release his lip. “We gotta go back, little bird. As much as I would like to keep you locked away here, the dark world that consumes me is calling.”
My skin thrums as he speaks. It’s more than awareness, it’s like he’s in me.
Blinking up at his steel-grey eyes that are like a window into his darkness, all I can do is nod. Not wanting to leave but knowing I can’t hide forever. I have a man to kill and hiding here in the mountains with this beast won’t get that job done.
On the ride back I'm wrapped around him like I'm a part of him. It makes me feel like maybe I can belong inside his world. Things have shifted. We are different. We have moved chest pieces around and the game is changing.
Pulling up to my place, I know he will be busy for a while. It’s where I have chosen to go, not wanting to stay at the club. The club girls make me feel more than unwanted. And I have shit to sort out, a shop to also open and flower deliveries.
His bike hums under me, making my insides quiver the same way they do when 81 is inside me. He slides his hands onto my hips pulling me into him and off the bike. My legs scream out in protest as I try to stretch out the stiffness from the ride back.
I feel the burning stare of his eyes on my skin.
“All I can think about, little bird, is fucking you all the time. Every time. You’re in my blood and I’ll tear apart anyone who dares to fucking touch you. So, if anything and I mean fucking anything turns up to do just that you call me.” His words hit me. I have to blink to break the intense stare in his eyes, scared that he will see the plan of death in mine.
“Little bird, do you hear me?” he asks me, while the hum of his bike matches the blood pumping under my skin.
“Little bird?” This time it isn't dominance in his voice it's worry.
“Ah, yes.”
“You ok?” His hands find either side of my face, searching my eyes.
“Yeah. I’m just tired is all,” I answer him, leaning up on my tip toes to kiss him.
I leave all of my fears in that kiss. 81 feels it. He pulls me into him, his hands rolling down my spine, resting on the curve of my hips. He's so close, always got so close he makes me feel too much all the time. It's time I make my mind free so I can give this man everything.
My body relaxes inside his embrace, his breath hot on my skin. It heightens the pain in my exhausted muscles. It’s not a pain as such as in a physical aspect, but the pain of life and just what I carry to help me survive.
“Little bird, you get your ass inside lock the fucking doors and chill. I’ll be back when I can.” He breathes down into my mouth as I hold onto him tighter. Knowing that it could be the last time I see him. His life is far from easy. It’s dangerous, it’s dark, it’s full of uncertainty and monsters just like the one I have pacing at the edge of my world, waiting to break in and tear me apart.
I use his darkness to pull me in. Too allow me to feed on it to become what’s needed to be a killer.
“Okay,” I say not wanting him to hear the hollowness or pain in my voice that is coating me like a cloak of septic fog.
“Your thoughts kill you, don’t they, little bird?” His thumb pushes hair back from my eyes as he looks down at me. I see it all in his eyes: me, him, us, the dark, pain of pasts and presents. I blink away the warm tears that are pressing behind my lids.
I move my fingers up and begin to explore his face the stubble on his chin, the firm line of his jaw. I'm falling more and more in love with him as the minutes pass. I'm falling for him so impossibly hard I can feel the impact physically.
“Just like yours do to you, my love,” I say placing a fleeting kiss to his lips before releasing him and walking up the stairs into my home. Feeling in love and empty. Lost and alone. How could this be? How could you love something that really isn’t yours to love?
