I could taste the coppery blood pooling in my mouth. I rubbed it over my teeth and let it soak into my tongue. I felt the aching and cracks in my bones. With each slow-motion roll and twist, I felt my bones and muscles and joints and organs move like they were being crumbled and smashed into a tiny box. I sucked in cramped air, feeling my lungs caving in on themselves.
My torso and head smashed up against the windshield, while my arms and legs were flailing, searching for somewhere to hold and stop the forward movement my body was going in. The world must have kept flickering its figurative light switch because my vision kept flashing from bitter darkness to blinding white light. The only sound that filled my ears was the crushing of glass mixed with the distinct cracking of my bones. The black spots in the corners of my vision making my head feel like the only thing inside of it was static.
Then suddenly, everything became light. I was flying through the air, my broken body almost limp from the impact that occurred nanoseconds before.
In my skull the pain is a welcome feeling in a dead body. Warm blood oozes down over my eyes. Falling from the car, a little too high, I just lay there as steam bellows from the smashed car. How the fuck do I live without him and now her. Father if you can hear me, answer me this. That’s all that is rushing through my mind while I lay bleeding and broken. Her and the endless pleasure that she brought. Until I lost it. Him, my brother, I see him. His eyes haunt me as I look up to the sky where he lives inside the white and blue clouds. Take me, come on take me. I scream out before the black engulfs me.
***
A wetness coats my face as a banging inside my head takes over. Trying with all I have to open my eyes, nothing. All I can muster is a mummer trying to lift my hand to swipe whatever is falling over my face away.
“We have a show in T-minus 4 hours and you’re near dead on the side of the road.” That voice isn’t Mikes, it’s Nix. Fuck, shit must be bad if Nix who doesn’t venture anywhere in daylight is out.
Cracking just one eye open slightly, I moan as the fading sun blinds me from behind my bassist’s body.
“Sup, bro,” I say trying to roll over. Pain sears through me as blood pools inside my mouth. “Where am I?” I ask him taking in small breathes through burning lungs. “The side of the fucking road in a ditch.” His tone isn’t fucking around, he’s mad. “Dead, please say I’m dead and I didn’t?” I ask, opening both my eyes now. The look on his face would kill. If I wasn’t dead, I sure am now. “Oh yes you did and you’re not dead yet, but you will be when Mike and the media team, oh shit, and let’s not forget about tiny terror when she finds out. Bro, I can just about guarantee it,” he says laughing out loud, this dick is actually laughing at me.
“The cops are coming, and the press will be right behind them the scanner is going off.” I hear a different voice. Looking past Nix, I see a rather hot looking human siting in the passenger seat of the SUV.
“Don’t ask. Let’s go.” He snaps to my raised eyebrow. “You wanna end up in jail? If not, we need to move now.” His tone is sharp as he pulls me up. A sharp pain scatters through my body and knocks on each and everysingle one of my senses, making me grit my teeth as a pained scream leaves my body. “Fuck, bro,” I bite out as Nix drags me though the grass toward his SUV. The beautiful human that is with him opens the door to the backseat looking at me with a please don’t ask smile and believe me right now, I won’t be asking shit. “Nix a bag of coke is somewhere in that wreck. Wanna grab it, bro? His eyes shoot daggers at me as he slams the door and I fall in a pain laced mess on the backseat. The mystery person drapes a blanket over me. Nix is back and the car bumps off the grass and back onto the road. “Siri, call Mike.,” he bites out. “Fuck,” I bite back. “Calling Mike.” Her sweet American voice fills the car. “Nix, where is he? Is what I hear bellow out inside the car. “I have him. Mess to clean up about 30 minute’s east of the city,” Nix says as he runs his hand through his hair and Mike screams “You’re fucking kidding. What fucking type of mess?” he spits out and I shut my eyes. “I spoke to God. He didn’t answer back. I crashed and well that’s where I’m at,” I say rolling over searching my pocket for my phone. “Show tonight?” he says. “You’re just my bodyguard, brother. I’ll be at sound check.” Snapping out I flick a message to Tru.
“Babe, I fucked up.”
She won’t answer. I know this, so I ring her instead and ring and ring and ring.
Ok, so that isn’t working. I send her a photo of me laying on the back seat and fuck me even that image freaks me out. The blood and bruising is already grazing my face. Glass is embedded in my skin. Fuck sake Jayden, you’re really fucked up.
“You’re lucky, Jay,” Nix says looking at me through the mirror.
“Luck has nothing to do with it, bro,” I say to him closing my eyes.
***
Sound check was a bitch, a painful bitch. The band tour manager got called in. She was all bitchy and bossy telling me I’m pushing the boundaries. ‘There is only so much these states will take before you get arrested. You’re playing with fire, Jayden. You’re going to get burnt. There is only so much money I can throw at the lawyers to throw at them. Have you seen the papers? The gossip sites? Lord, Jayden, how you even got out of that car alive is beyond me.’ She pushes out through gritted teeth, looking at me annoyed.
“You need to have a good root and piss off.” I slap her hand holding papers in my face. “I know what they are saying, and you know what? Maybe I just wanted an out. You ever think of that?” I bite out, I am beyond over this fucking conversation. “You are an arrogant asshole, Jayden James, and you don’t pay me enough to deal with your spoiled child bullshit,” she says, slapping my face with the papers. Shock gasps out as she turns around her eyes burning into Mike’s and tiny terror’s. I forget her name. “He’s all yours. I quit.” Her tone has at least 8 layers of anger laced through it. I lean back in the chair and light a smoke. Looking at my phone, there’s still nothing from Tru. Fuck, she’s either sleeping or taking this to a whole new level of ignoring me.
“What’s the fucking time in New Zealand?” I bark out as Mike walks over to me.
“Don’t even fucking start.” I say to him. “I’m allowed to act out. I’m a mother fucking Rockstar.” I smirk around my cigarette.
“You’re a fucking dick head with more issues than a girlfriend magazine. You’re pushing your god damn Rockstar limits there, boy.” His eyes burn flames into mine.
“Well that brings me some satisfaction. Time though, I asked for the time not your damn opinion.” Looking past him as the groupies fall into the green room for a pre-show hit. Drinks and dick that’s their party tricks right there. We give them drinks and they suck our dicks. I curl my finger at a pretty little blonde thing whose tits are spilling out of her two-sizes-too-small top and a mini skirt that has no skirt to it, it’s all mini and my cock approves.
“It’s 11am and she’s at a meeting. That’s where you fucking should be heading before you kill yourself or someone else,” Mike says to me, his eyes screaming at me to pull my shit together.
“Pity I find solace inside the pain then, aye? As I told you all before, I don’t need no 12-step program I have bitches, blow and booze. The 3 B’s. What more could a Rockstar ask for?” Winking at the little lady whose lips are painted a deep blood red who’s about to wrap them around my cock.
“Love, Jayden,” Mike says as he walks from the green room, his phone in his hand and I see Tru’s name flicking over the screen. My heart hurts just seeing her name on a screen that isn’t mine. She will ring him but not me. What the fuck? Downing the shot of Jack from my glass, I tip it to Lynx as he shakes his head. “No more, bro. We need to smash this show and you’re already fucked up and broken and shit like the doc even said you shouldn’t play.”
Pulling my stiff body up from the couch pushing the blonde to one side I grab the bottle of Jack Daniels and walk from the green room to the stage. Sitting on the edge of the stairs I just watch as the crowd fills in and the lights dim. Taking long pulls from the bottle as I smoke and ring and text Tru. She can play hard to get all she likes; I have shit to say to her.
You can only ignore someone for so long until that person gets on a plane and comes and slaps that ass. I text her then I send her snaps of my face with different sad faces. To all her accounts I am still in shock over the fact that she got herself social media just to watch me.
When it’s time, the boys join me with tiny terror. “I’m filling in as band manager now and Jayden I am warning you, pull your fucking head in. You’re fucking so much shit up.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head. “Roll me up and smoke me, baby. You need to chill the fuck out. This is why we all take drugs.” I wink at her as we walk out onto stage, and the whole place explodes. Screaming, shouting. The lights blinding as they send the spotlights down onto us. We take our positions I pick up my guitar my ribs burn my head pounds and my lungs sting from the accident and abuse that I seem so intent on putting my body through. Pain is pleasure, baby, and I am all about the pain and I love pleasure. Nix and Lynx the twins and souls of my conscience grin at me. I feel higher than normal and I smirk back as the chanting of my name forms all through the crowd. This venue is huge, and it’s packed to the rafters. That’s one thing I’m good at, putting on a show, and tonight is no different. Pain and all I will slam these babe’s pussies into their ears and have these guys jacking off in the crowd wishing they were as lit as us.
I feel like the rap god they chant about and the media write about. I hit live stream on my phone holding it up and showing the world what it’s like to be the front man of Triple X. Attaching it to my mic stand then I also hook up and press record on my Go-Pro that’s on my guitar strap. The world is in for a treat tonight and I know for sure my Tru will be watching.
