“Thirty minutes.”
The alarm sound plays softly and I wake up again thirty minutes later on my back with Christian’s arms wrapped around my body, his head between my ribs.
Smiling, I reach to hit snooze again, giving myself an extra ten minutes to scratch his head while he snores quietly on my stomach.
Ten minutes until I have to force myself out of this bed to go to work. I could “call out” and have my trusted assistant managers take over while I spend the day at home with him.
Christian was always a giant teddy bear like this, holding onto me this way, having the secret love of being the little spoon. I love him like this—all soft and mushy and loving.
I feel myself smiling as my eyelids grow heavy again. So Igrab my phone and make some calls. The first is to Ryan, assistant manager of the bookshop, and then Michelle, assistant manager of the café. Then I text Natalia that I won’t be there today when she goes to help with the pastries. She replies with an annoyingly long string of emojis, including several eggplants, and I set my phone aside on the night table.
My fingers sift into his hair again, finding a calm happy place like that rest of me has. It’s only when I’m drifting back to sleep that Christian stirs, softly groaning and readjusting his position before never changing it.
“Lana?” he rasps.
“Yeah?”
He groans against and pushes up onto his elbow to squint at me. “You have to go.”
“No I don’t,” I tell him. “Not today.”
His squint deepens as his brows furrow. “Why not?”
I shrug. “Took the day off. Ryan and Michelle are handling it.”
“Do you have something else to do today?”
“Yeah,” I breathe and settle lower into the bed, adjusting to make myself comfortable on my pillows again. “This.”
Christian’s serious, tired face softens instantly, softening my heart with it. His eyes open enough to show me both his surprise and hope, and the frown drops instantly. “Lana?”
“Come back here,” I whisper.
As though he’s scared I might rescind my offer, he lowers himself back onto my stomach, pressing a kiss through my t-shirt. Christian nestles his head into my body and his arms tighten around me.
“What should we do today?” I ask.
I have a strong feeling today won’t be a good day for him, not after last night when he looked so overpowered by hisaddiction. No matter how many times he says he is fine and okay, I know him. I know when he feels weak and defenseless even though he isn’t.
He doesn’t realize that this doesn’t make him weak. If anything, it makes him a warrior just for fighting it, to keep trying to win against it.
Christian is a fighter, through and through. Always has been even when he’s thought he wasn’t. Christian is more more than anything he thinks he is. And I love him, even if he thinks I don’t. Yeah, maybe I should tell him, but what does that leave me with?An open wound to pour salt into?
“Can you talk to me?” he whispers.
“About what?”
“Your life.”
I scratch his head gently. “You know everything.”
“I don’t,” he says. “Not anymore. What did you start doing while I was gone? Who did you hang out with?”
I snort. “I hung out with the people I’ve been hanging out with since I was seven, Christian.”
“Aside from them.” Christian lifts his head, resting his chin on my sternum and peering up at me with tortured, coffee colored eyes.
“No one,” I say. “Julian and I got really close after Grace was born and you were gone… He’s my best guy friend. I saw the rest of the guys sometimes. The twins were like overbearing mother hens for a while. They’d invite me to family dinners sometimes when it was really bad and I’d sleep over in Isa’s room. Um… The guys would come over and help with things I needed. They helped me move into this house and build a lot of stuff.”
