“You were right?—”
“It was thoughtful of you.”
Christian sighs quietly through his nose. “Maybe but…”
“You love me with gifts,” I tell him. “You always have. I think… I don’t know, I think it was just the timing of it. I’m sorry.”
“I am too,” Christian whispers. “For leaving you. Lana, I love you so much.”
It is a pinch of pain in the heart, but from a needle and string, slowly stitching up a deep, gaping wound I’ve had for years. A wound I convinced myself was never going to heal.
“I think we need to talk,” I whisper.
Christian inhales, and releases the breath shakily. “Okay.”
“What happened yesterday morning?”
“I don’t know,” he whispers. “I choked when I tried to kiss you and… my day was just weird. I just felt…detached.”
“Was it me?”
“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “No, baby, no. Never,no. It wasme.It was just a weird day.”
“Describe it to me,” I blurt, scooting closer into his body. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Christian whispers, sadness flowing out with the deep tenor of his voice. “I really wanted to kiss you and I got in my head about it. I guess I was just nervous.”
“You were nervous? About kissingme?” I really try not to giggle at all, but that has to be the silliest thing he’s ever said.
“I think so,” he says. “You’re really pretty, you know that.”
Even though I feel myself blush, I say, “Nice try. Talk to me, Christian. Communication is part of this.”
“I got scared I was going to mess it up.”
“The kiss?”
“Us.” Christian shakes his head, lying back and pinching his eyes with his fingers and thumbs. “I can’t do that. I’ve done enough. Okay, I’ve grown. I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes and I know I’m not perfect, Lana, but I’m trying to be the person you want me to be.”
“There,” I say. “Thatis your problem. I don’t want you or need you to be anyone you already aren’t. I wouldn’t trade who you are for anyone or anything, Christian. I’ve known yousince we were nineteen. I fell in love with who you were then and…even now.”
He smirks slightly. “You’re in love with me?”
I roll my eyes, smiling, and turn away from him. “Don’t ruin this.”
Christian pulls me into him tightly, suffocating me in affection. “There has never been a time I wasn’t in love with you, Lana.”
“Hmm.”
“What time is it?”
“Six thirty,” I tell him.
“You’ll have to go soon,” he whispers against my neck.
“I have thirty minutes before I have to get up.”
“Thirty minutes then,” Christian whispers.
