“I’msorry, Lana,” I repeat. “For bleeding on you.”
“What?”
“Forgive me?”
Her hand holds onto my wrist and she turns into my touch to kiss my palm. “I will.”
Eventually, she means, and I let it be enough for tonight. I take that ounce of hope for what it is.
A small smile draws on my lips, and she gives me one too. “I love you, Lana.”
“I know,” she says. She reaches to kiss my cheek and settles back down onto her pillow. “Turn around, Christian.”
I huff a quiet laugh and turn so my back is to her. Her small body wraps around mine like I’m a branch and she’s a koala, and I ensconce myself in her arms. I let her be my big spoon and I smile to myself as my eyelids grow heavy.
“Goodnight, Christian,” she breathes against the shell of my ear.
I should have kissed her longer. My hand takes hers,locking our fingers together, and hugging our hands to my chest. I smile to myself, remembering all the nights Lana held me like this when I was sad. She’s so much smaller than me it’s comical to see her as a big spoon, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good.
I bring her hand to my lips and kiss the back of it. Sighing happily, I whisper, “Goodnight, Lana.”
CHAPTER 11
Lana
The soft alarm sound wakes me up from a deep sleep. The best sleep I’ve had in years, really. The heavy weight around my waist made sure of that, even though this isn’t how we fell asleep.
I reach over to kill the alarm on my phone and allow myself to sink into him.
I don’t know how to be angry with him anymore, not these past three days. And his face when he came into my room last night…
It was the same sad face he used to come home with after seeing his parents. When he would come home to me with bruises on his face after a fight with his dad. The same heartbreaking eyes that looked at me with more weight than he could hold.
So I held him as the big spoon and waited for him to fall asleep before I did. I kissed his bare shoulder and back, nestled my cheek against his warm skin, and granted myself the privilege of him.
But at some point in the night, we turned around and nowhe’s holding me. I’m so warm and comfortable, I never want to move out of this spot on my bed. I never want him to leave this bed either, but he has to.
It’s hard to be mad, but Ihaveto be mad. I have to put my foot down and hold off on forgiving him so easily. I’ll do that later though. I needthisright now.
It’s still early, the sun is barely in the sky, and normally I’d get into the shower to get to the bookshop early, but I can spare an hour for this.
“Lana?”
His voice is sleepy and hoarse—the kind of voice most women usually find attractive. But Christian’sjust waking upvoice is beyond comparison.
“Yeah?” I whisper.
“I should go,” he says, loosening his arms.
But I pull him back by his forearms. “No,” I breathe and turn in his arms. “Stay for a little bit.”
His tired eyes brighten when I face him, a tiny twitch of his lips. He reaches to push hair behind my ear and traces my jaw with his thumb, his eyelids still heavy.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” I rasp.
“For what?”
“The way I reacted to your gifts,” I say. “The sneakers and the boots.”
