I knew this day would come eventually, it was going to happen. I just didn’t think it’d happen this soon. We’ve barely had this house for a year but Christian is comfortable with his company again and my bookshop cafe is doing extremely well.
Still, my head is filled with so many doubts about my own capabilities. I wish I could ask my mother if she felt this way when she found out she was having me. If she felt unsteady yet thrilled all at once. If she felt insecure even if she was the most confident person in the world.
A door opens and I try to keep the tears at bay. It’ll be a few seconds until he finds me so it’s a waste of time to try to hide it. He knows me too well. I take deep breaths, inhaling through my nose and exhaling out my mouth, until I hear his voice.
“Lana? Baby?”
I squeeze my eyes closed, tears escaping. Before I can utter a reply, Christian is walking in like a man on a mission. His shoulders sag with relief as he exhales.
“Hey,” I croak.
“Hey.” Christian immediately sits beside me, pulling my legs over his lap. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head, the tears getting harder to hold on to. “I just… wasn’t feeling well.”
“Lana, baby,” he says, his voice with concern. His hand strokes my arm and his thumb runs over the bandaid covering the vein of my elbow.Damn it.“What happened?”
“The girls took me to the emergency room,” I say. “The hospital’s clinic, I mean.”
Christian blinks. “Lana?—”
“Christian,” I croak, a sobbing ready to rip out of me.
“Lana.” He’s quick to haul me over his lap and cradle me into his chest, holding me closely and tightly. His lips brush over my forehead and he rests his cheek against the same spot. “What happened? Why didn’t you call me?”
I shrug as my body begins to tremble and heave. “You were working.”
“Baby, you know I don’t care about that. If you have to go to the hospital,call me. I’m there.”
I nod and sink into him. “Can I just—” I sniffle loudly. “Can I cry it out for a bit?”
Christian nods. “Yeah—Yeah, go ahead, baby, I’m here.”
It takes what feels like hours for me to cry most of it out—but it’s only been five minutes. Finally, Christian helps me wipe my face, regulating my breath. My breathing evens out eventually while he rubs my back, but still comes out shaky as I sit up.
“H-How was work?” I ask, wiping my nose with the back of my wrist.
Christian shakes his head with furrowed brows. “It was fine—Lana?—”
“Tell me,” I cry, tears flooding back. “Tell me about your day, please. I need it.”
He sighs, pushing hair behind my ears, peeling strands from my wet cheeks. “Boring. Everything I have to do without you isboring.”
I sniff, throat burning. “Stop, don’t be romantic right now.”
He huffs a laugh and kisses my cheek. “Work was good. I got a lot done and we’re doing well, babe.”
I nod with a pout.
“What about you, baby?” He kisses my other cheek. “What happened today?”
Sighing, I force myself to sit straighter. My leg bounces uncontrollably, my entire body feeling jittery with the weight of the two words on my tongue.
I’m pregnant.
I stand on wobbly knees and pace the living room. “Christian…”
He follows my pacing, his eyes volleying side to side, and his worry is written in the ridge between his brows. “Babe… You’re scaring me now, what happened?”
