“You saw…your mom,” I croak. He watched her die.
Rowan nods. “Yeah. I don’t…The sounds, the crying, the nurses and doctors shouting at each other—it was too much. The nurses told me to get out of the way and I couldn’t move. And the DNR… I can’t—I couldn’t…”
I put my hand on his. “You know,” I murmur, “I don’t feel like talking after all.”
His lips twitch from the frown they’re in, showing barely a sliver of amusement. “That’s okay,” he says. “We’ll sit in silence.”
CHAPTER 18
Rowan
There’s a comforting, heavy weight on my chest as I stir. The TV is blindingly bright in the dark space of her living room, and over the low volume of the movie, I can hear beautiful breathing.
I feel a pulse—hers and my own.
No flatline, only steady rhythms and even breaths.
I brush back curls from her face and run my fingertips down her arm, hoping it doesn’t stir her.
One.
Two. Three.
Four. Five. Six…
Seven. Eight. Nine…
I’ve never felt like this for anyone. I’ve never had this terror weigh me down at the thought of losing someone. Even though I know it’s because of my mother, I know it’s because of her—this girl sleeping on my chest, wrapped in my arms.
Ten. Eleven. Twelve…
Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen.Sixteen…
Seventeen freckles.
I gave myself to her a long time ago, and those are pieces I’m never getting back. Not that I want them anyway. I kiss her head, and the scent of coconut and other ingredients used in her hair products and perfume invade the rest of my senses. Gingerly, I shift to adjust our position enough to hold her better.
That’s what makes her stir though.Shit.
Natalia moans softly, her lashes fluttering and nose scrunching, as she wakes up. She rubs at her eyes but nestles in closer, her face coming into my neck. Shaking her head a bit, she finds a comfortable position and brushes her forehead against my jaw.
The biggest surprise of the night, though, is when Natalia presses her lips against my neck—accidentally or purposely, I don’t know. But I don’t care. I’ll take it, accept it, let it brand my skin for the world to see—for me to see in the mirror, or feel while I walk down the street and say,Natalia’s lips were right here.Her lips have touched my skin. She may as well be Midas.
She untucks her arm and slides it across my chest, letting it wrap loosely around me. She’s so perfectly at peace.
Natalia moans softly again. “Hmm. Rowan?”
“Hi,” I whisper, drawing circles on her back.
She sighs sleepily, stretching with a quiet groan as she sits up, her palm over my heart. “What is it?” She yawns. “What happened?”
“We fell asleep,” I groan, my neck cracking with a small stretch of my own, but I keep my arm around her. “It’s okay. You can go?—”
“What time is it?”
“Um.” I reach for my phone on the floor and check. “Three.”
Natalia sits up with her hands on my bare chest. “Oh. What?—”
