“Nat?”
I jump, startled. “Huh?”
“Are you okay?”
I nod rapidly. “Yeah—Yes. Yes, I’m fine. I…I was just thinking.” Binx hops off my lap and I stand from my criss-cros-apple-sauce position, hiding my hands behind my back. “I’m gonna change really quick.”
I scurry away into my bedroom, Binx following after me, and I’m hyperaware of the scars on my wrist as I pull off his T-shirt. I tuck it away under my pillow for later and grab an oversized long-sleeved tee from the University of Maine.
The long sleeves reach my fingers and I relax. Binx curls up in her tiny bed in the corner of my room and settles there for the rest of the night. So I pet her fur until her eyes are closed and kiss her head.
I finally join Rowan in the living room again, sitting in my previous position. Rowan sits across from me, setting the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.
“Thank you,” I murmur and grab a handful of popcorn.
Rowan smiles, his tiny chin dimple making an appearance, and I throw a piece of popcorn at him. He catches it in his mouth so I toss another in the air, smiling, and he catches that one too.
“Yes!”
I laugh and toss another, he catches that one too. “Now I’m gonna do three.”
“Do it.” He cracks his neck stupidly, game face activated. “I’m ready.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, ready?”
He nods and I toss three up at the same time. He manages to catch one on his tongue, the other bounces off his eyelid, and the last one falls on his lap. “Damn it.”
I laugh again and stuff my face with a few pieces. I give the bowl a shake and look up to find him smiling. My own smile drops slowly, then his does too, his expression darkening to something serious.
His tongue darts out and wets his bottom lip, his ocean eyes dropping to my lips.
“Rowan,” I breathe.
His eyes flick to mine again, the waves of blue pulling me under the powerful current.
“What’s going on, sweetheart?” Rowan asks softly.
“Nothing,” I lie. “I’m fine.”
“Natalia—”
“We don’t do this, right?” I croak and clear out my throat. “We just…have sex. And we’re friends sometimes.”
“Friends talk to each other when something is wrong.”
I shrug. “Good thing nothing is wrong then, huh?” I reach for the remote and flick through the comedy movie options. “Want to watchGrown Ups?” I ask quietly.
Rowan looks at me with sad blue eyes that tell me he’s desperate for me to speak up. Hewantsto heal something, heal me, but he’s defeated because he can’t. Because I won’t let him. Instead, he sighs and says, “Only if we watch the second one right after.”
“Deal,” I rasp.
Rowan unfolds the purple throw blanket from the arm of the couch and covers our legs as the movie begins. His arm goes to the top of the cushions, and he gives me the choice. I sink back into the cushions, angling my body so I sink slightly against him too.
I tug at my sleeves. “What did you think…when you got here…?”
Rowan’s brows fall, his lips with them into a frown. He shifts just enough to bring us a few inches closer. “I don’t know. I just…I get scared sometimes. After my mom….”
I wasn’t going to do what he thought I was going to. I wasn’t thinking about it—at least, not tonight.
