“You think we’re the same?”
I smile to myself. “I think we’re perfectly different and it makes us the same.”
“I don’t think we’rethatdifferent.”
“You don’t?” I’d arch a brow if she were looking at me. But I want her head right where it is, resting on my shoulder.
“I think you get me,” she whispers. “I don’t think you would if we were all that different.”
Maybe grief is different from what she feels. Or maybe what she feels, and what grief makes me feel, are one and thesame, and that is where we meet. This is where we turn ourselves inside out and show each other what’s underneath.
Broken recognizes broken.
Although, I don’t feel as broken as I used to, she feels like ruins. And I’ll help her reconstruct.
“I don’t know who I’d be without you,” I rasp.
“You can’t possibly mean that.” She wipes her cheek and nose with the back of her other hand, using her sleeve.
“I mean every word I ever say to you, sweetheart,” I rasp. “All of them.”
“Oh,” she breathes. “I mean almost everything.”
I huff a laugh, a small smile. “That I’m ugly?”
“No, not that,” she says, and I feel her cheek move as she smiles against my chest. “Not that.”
“I hear things you don’t say.”
“Weirdo.”
I snort—the sound encourages a giggle out of her. And her laughs are so contagious, I can’t hold back a few quiet ones of my own. Regardless, the sounds echo off the bedroom walls and it’s a song I need on repeat.
“What things don’t I say?” Natalia asks quietly.
“I’m afraid if I tell you,” I say, “you’ll run away from me.”
She sniffs. “Am I that bad?”
“I wouldn’t call it bad.” I hold her hand in both of mine, memorizing its weight. “You have a tendency to?—”
“I know,” she rasps.
“I know you though,” I whisper.
“It scares me.”
“I know that too.”
Natalia sighs heavily, her chest rising and dropping slowly. “I don’t like that, Rowan. Don’t…I can’t…”
“Natalia,” I murmur. “Sweetheart.”
Her arm tugs at her hand, an attempt to take it from mine, but I hold it firmly. She’ll just disappear from me again if I let her go.
“I have anxiety.”
“I know,” she whispers. “It’s okay.”
