“I know what that’s like,” she rasps.
“I know you do.” I turn my hand beneath hers and her cold fingers effortlessly slip between mine. “And I wish you didn’t.”
Her hand squeezes mine once softly. The second slowly. And the third after a beat. “I wish you didn’t either.”
My first squeeze is tight and long.
My second is a gentle pulse.
And my third is my confession.
“What’s your confession?” I rasp and bring her hand to my lips.
Natalia huffs a laugh that is followed by a silent pause. She adjusts herself so she’s closer to my side, her thigh melting into mine. “I didn’t realize we were trading them.”
“Secrets,” I say. “I’ll trade you a secret.”
There’s a small smile on her soft, pink lips. “I never saw myself getting married in a church. A lot of it is because of what people put my dads through, but also… I don’t know,” she says. “Well, to be fair, I don’t think I saw myself getting married at all.”
“Ever?”
Natalia shakes her head on my shoulder. “I didn’t think I’d make it this far to begin with. You make a plan in your head and it just…” Her quiet laugh is merely a huff and she sniffles as she uses her sleeve to wipe her face again. “I just…”
I squeeze her hand.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
Commiserating and loving.
Natalia is often brusque, anomalous. Stubborn and strong. It’s everything I love about her. But now, she’s placing the key of her prison in my palm and allowing me to unlock the creaky door. And I’ve let myself in.
In here, she’s bare, with raw, open wounds and in the corner is a first aid kit that she can’t reach. So I grab it and hold it out to her. Natalia isn’t the girl to just take it from me though, not without insisting she’s fine for minutes on end before she relents.
But instead of letting her do it, I take out the needle and thread to get started.
“You just what, sweetheart?”
She swallows. “I just thought I’d be dead by now.”
I give her hand another squeeze. “You were always going to make it this far,” I whisper, lifting her hand to my lips againto brush them over her skin—to feel the warmth brought on from the blood in her veins to solidify the image of her beating heart. A proof of life.
The weight of her head on my shoulder is gone. I lift my eyes from our hands and they slide right to hers. Those eyes destroy me as easily, as they drown me, and just as easily, they break my heart. The hazel color is surrounded by a sad shade of red. Her eyes are swollen and lids are reddened and sore.
Anything—I’d doanythingto take that away. Someone just tell me how,please.
I can’t bring myself to look away from her, no matter how much it hurts to see her this way. Sad or not, she’s my girl and I’m always going to be next to her.
“I just wasn’t planning to,” Natalia rasps, and my heart is in pieces scattered all around us.
“I know.” I sniff. “But I’m glad that you made it. I don’t know what this town would be without you. My days would just be…”
“Be what?” Natalia whispers.
“Cloudy,” I confess quietly. “Sad. Empty. You and me, Natalia?—”
