My body is satiated for now, but my mind is far from satisfied. In fact, having taken the edge off, my thoughts are back and doing double duty.
I need some time to figure stuff out.
I can’t, Mick. I can’t do this with you. Not again.
You can’t fix this.
Are you to add kidnapping to your list of crimes?
What the hell was I missing? What had Dee needed to figure out three weeks after accepting my proposal? What can’t I fix? Had my walking away that night been the ultimate, unforgivable offense? Or was there something else?
Questions twist through my mind as my feet take me to the walk-in closet. I retrieve the portable safe from the top shelf and place it on the chest of drawers. After entering the security code, I pull on the handle and move aside the emergency cash, my passport, and other important documents. Buried underneath are my regrets.
I unfold the acceptance letter from NYU. It still bears the wrinkles from being balled into my fist fifteen years ago and hurled across my bedroom in a fit of drunken rage.
Congratulations! Your creative submission was well-written and polished, speaking to a talent and maturity beyond your years.…
Our summer program will offer you the opportunity to flesh outPrincess Dionna and theDark Shadow. We hope to see you on campus in July for orientation.
They hadn’t.
Ruefully, I put the letter down to remove the blue velvet box—unopened since the night Dee left. With a less than steady hand, I flip up the lid. At the sight of the diamond heart centered in a gold band, my chest pinches with the onslaught of memories.
I remember the morning after my science exam, when I drove to Chicago because I couldn’t chance going to a jewelry store in Springvale, where everyone knew me. I browsed the glass cases of several stores, not sure exactly what I was looking for, until I sawit. I was immediately drawn to the simple, understated beauty, much as I’d been drawn to Dee.
I didn’t have much money then, only what I’d been saving up for NYU. The ring cost me a good portion of those savings—not that I cared. I believed Dee was my forever. The woman who would be my wife and the mother of my children, the one I’d grow old with. Take care of. Make happy.
And she’d wanted that too. I heard it in her voice when she’d thrown her arms around my neck and rained kisses all over my face. “Yes, Mick. To everything. I promise to always be there for you and to make you happy, too.”
My heart pounding against my rib cage, I take one last look at the ring before closing the box.
Dee was madly in love with me, and I let her down. I should have been stronger. I should have given her the reassurance she needed so that she could trust her heart to me.
Reassurance she still needs.
Fifteen years is a long time.
But I refuse to believe it’s too late.
IUNDO THE BUTTONS ON my soaked jacket and fold it up in the deep-basin sink to avoid getting any more water on the floor. Next, I peel off my blouse and pants, sending them the same way, and finally my white Playtex bra and thigh-slimmer pantyhose. After drying the floor with one of the towels, avoiding my naked reflection in the bathroom mirror, I step inside the marble shower. It’s more than big enough for two, and the warmth on my chilled body feels good.
I bring the soap to my nose. The scent reminds me of the woods, autumn leaves, and lemon peel. It’s rugged and masculine. I wet the bar and the smell of Mick permeates the steamy enclosure. I slide it over my skin, feeling Mick’s large, skillful hands on my breasts and between my thighs.
A part of me had wanted him to forget his vow and ignore my protests. To just throw me down on the bed and pretend for a precious little while that there was no past or pain between us. But the other part—the sensible part—was grateful to him for keeping his promise. Sex with Mick could never be just sex. He’d consume me, as he had before. I couldn’t risk my long-term well-being for short-term gratification.
I resist the urge to relieve the ache because getting into the habit of pleasuring my body to thoughts of Mick isn’t going to do me any good. I turn off the taps and wrap myself up in a large, fluffy towel, warmed by the heated rack.
I was as honest with him as I could be. If we were going to stay under the same roof until the morning, it was best for both of us that he understand that I could not act on our attraction or give him the answers he thought he wanted.
But now the overnight stay stretches out in front of me like an emotional obstacle course, with who knows what waiting for me at the finish line. Moving into the bedroom, which has a decor as dark as the rest of his place, I find the dry clothes Mick brought me. I pick up the white tube socks—a small, intimate detail that touches me. I pull them onto my still-cold feet before dressing in the sweatshirt and sweatpants. There’s something very sexy about having Mick’s clothes and his scent against my bare skin.
After towel-drying my curls, which without a comb or hair product leaves them in disarray, I sit cross-legged on the bed and fish my phone out of my purse. I feel a burst of sadness that I have no family to check up on, but I have Jordyn and Lexie. I send them a group text.
Me: Where r u 2 on this stormy nite? Tucked inside safely, I hope.
Lexie: I’m at Richard’s. U?
Jordyn: Well, that’s both safe and boring. I’m having online sex with a dark, handsome stranger.
