“Ouch, Tate.”
“I’m sorry, that was wrong.”There’s a heavy sigh.“I think I like Levi, but in a different way than he likes me.”
“Are you saying you just want to be friends?”
I press harder into the wood paneling of the door, my whole existence teetering on what she says next.
“I’m saying...”She pauses and I have to strain to hear her voice over the loud pump of blood flowing through my ears.“I think we might have two different end goals.I date to get married, to eventually have a house, kids, and a couple of dogs.I think, at most, he just dates to...date.”
As quietly as possible, I push from the door and make my way towards my room, digesting Tate’s words that all of a sudden feel like I ate an entire cow and topped it off with mashed potatoes and a pie.A normal person would probably be offended by the accusation.In so many ways, she said I’m a noncommittal floozy...and she’s not wrong.I mean, I could date someone and not cheat, but the forever game isn’t for me.I saw what my parents’ divorce did to my mom and I have no interest in being a part of that.I toe my way back into my room and then stop.Old me doesn’t just hang out in my room.Old me goes out.Likes to drink and have fun.I think it’s time I get back to that.No more Tate.I’m not the person she needs.The thought is like a kick to the stomach.I reach for my phone and send out a mass text.
Levi: Pool Party starts in 20 minutes.Bring your bathing suit and booze.
I toss my phone onto the bed and throw on my board shorts and some slides.In the bottom of my suitcase, I find a couple shooters I didn’t drink from the plane.I let the bottles roll against the palm of my hand.Try to focus on the cool of the glass and not on the black hole opening in my stomach.I untwist the first one and drop it back.It’s an unfriendly taste, one that pulls a hiss from me.I push my chin to my chest until the burn subsides and then do it again with the next mini bottle.And again.The third one goes down without a fight.I flip my hat backwards and splash some cold water on my face.Ready.I pick up my phone from the bed.I have about ten messages of “attaboy,” a couple thumbs up, and one message from Kim that exceeds the banner.I open it because I’m an idiot.
Kim: What happened?Did she say she didn’t feel the same way?Something about Tate doesn’t seem to say she’s into pool ragers.Are you sure about this?It might be the nail in the coffin when it comes to Tay-vai...
That nickname is so bad.I think about her words and the finality of what I’m about to do.A smart man would just tell her he’s scared.A brave man would probably roll his shoulders back and go into the unknown, no matter the cost.But I’m neither of those.Just a boy from the sticks and nothing is going to change that.
Levi: I know.You in?
The three little dots appear and then disappear.It’s weird, but I want Kim here.I need someone to soften the blow a bit.
Kim: On my way.
The shots are setting in and my chest feels warm as I walk out the door of my room towards the pool.I make a pit stop at Clay’s door; he usually has beers.Through the half-cracked door, I hear him slam his hand down hard on something and I stop.
“You knew I was coming out here to do this.You said you supported me.”The tone of his voice is unlike anything I have ever heard from the cool and collected Clay.There’s a pause and I wait.
“Okay, but...”
Pause.
“You’re not even...”
Pause.
“Can I please say something without you...”
Pause.
“Call me when you want to have a conversation, not a monologue.”
The sound of frustration invites me in.He looks up from the side of his bed.The lines of his face are etched in distress, and I get a strong feeling that if I say the wrong thing he would love to have someone to take it out on.And maybe that would help me too, but let’s start with plan A.I pull the last shot from my board shorts and extend it between us.
“Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.”
His eyebrows slam together in confusion.“Is that from Pirates of the Caribbean?”
“I think it is, actually.Drink this,” I tell him before tossing it next to his lap on the bed.“Let’s have some fun.”
He grabs the bottle, a small smile curling his lips.“This new enthusiasm has nothing to do with a certain brunette does it?”
“Rule number one, we don’t bring up the girls.Rule number two, we don’t bring up the girls.”
“Fight club?”He raises an eyebrow.“You’ve been in your room too long.”
“That’s the truest thing you have said all day.Let’s go have fun.This is probably the last nice day of the year.”It’s the second week of November but apparently California never got the memo because it’s seventy degrees and sunny.The perfect temperature to get absolutely blitzed.I can see Clay’s wheels turning but eventually he tosses back the shot with a little head wag.
