“That is awful,” he says.
“I know.It’s the best, isn’t it?You got any beers here?”I watch as he stands and nods.He crouches down and pulls a twenty-four pack of Corona from under his bed.
“You keep beer under your bed?”I say with a laugh.
“Well, I used to put them in the fridge, but they would be gone in a day.Sticky fingers.”
I nod and make my way out towards the kitchen and onto the back patio, Clay in tow.After helping him load the outdoor fridge, I pull my phone from my pocket and scroll through my playlist.
The outdoor speakers crackle to life before the all-too-familiar sound of Snoop Dogg’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot” fills the space.Clay’s braids sway as he does a few nods of appreciation.
“Yeah, my man.This is one of your better ideas yet.”
“Right!”I say, tipping the neck of my beer bottle in his direction.He taps his with mine before we both take a long swig.It’s warm, but I don’t care.People start to arrive in groups through the side gate.The beers do finally get cold-ish, and there are more people in the pool than there is water.All is well when Kim rolls up about half an hour in.
“Kim, we’re over here,” I shout with my arm lazily raised above my head.
“Who’s Kim?”Clay asks in what I’m sure was supposed to be a whisper.
I open my mouth to answer, but her voice fills the space.“I am, and you must be Clay.”
“Yes.How did you know that?”he asks, one eye squinting and a hand up shielding the other from the sun.
“I have my ways,” she says, and something about it rings familiar.The song ends before non-other than “Cowboy Take Me Away” starts to play.
“Arg, who changed the song?”I put my head in my palm, knocking my hat onto the floor, but I don’t care.
“Levi, you good?”
“Fine.Why?”
“Um, I don’t know, you just growled out loud.”Kim laughs but her eyes are still studying me.I feel hot under them.Like my skin doesn’t fit.Oh no...it’s happening.My chest feels tight.Must distract myself.
“Let’s get drunk and make out,” I say to her.Then I stand, grab another bottle from the table, rip the cap off and walk away, hoping she follows.I take a swig and count my breaths.One, two, three.I kick a chair and several heads turn.I raise my hand as if to say, We’re all good!But it’s the most unbelievable thing.
“Levi.”Someone is calling my name, but the corners of my eyes have gone blurry.Once I get to the side of the house, I slide down the exterior wall.The stucco scrapes against my skin, the pain reminding me I’m still alive.When I reach the floor, I pull my legs in and drop my head like I have done so many times before.Body, why do you fail me?I visualize the ocean.Pushing and pulling water against wet sand.It’s warm, but not too hot.Sunset will be here soon.The water is going in and out.
“Levi...”I look up at the big blue sky.Seagulls drifting in the wind and...Tate?How did she get in here?She’s looking down at me, appraising me.
“Look, Tate,” I start to say, but that’s as far as I get before I notice...she’s in a swimsuit!My breath is no longer seesawing from my lungs, which might be a good sign if I wasn’t convinced that my heart just stopped all together.It’s a black two-piece swimsuit that just seems to pop right off of her skin’s milky complexion.It’s an athletic cut, and not meant to be sexy, but the amount of exposed skin has my hands twitching to touch her.To run my hands over her curves.My eyes hang at her waist.At the jut of her hip, a cliff I would gladly die on just to take in the view on the way down.This is both the best and worst visualization post-panic attack I’ve ever experienced, but I’m not rushing to shut it down.
“Levi,” she says again, but this time she starts rubbing circles over my back.Big at first before losing size with every lap.
“Ah.”I wince when she rolls over a tender spot.Am I sunburnt already?
“Levi, your whole back is cut up.We have to clean you up.Can you walk?”she asks, coming to a stand, and all of a sudden, the beach is gone.The seagulls and the sand too.
