“I appreciate that.”
“If it makes you feel better, I got real sick the next morning.”
“Preston told me. He said he’s never heard such violent throwing up before, and he spent a summer as a camp medic.” Jessica took her hand off the door, which Ethan took as a cue to enter. Neither of them chose to sit. Ethan’s nerves kept him upright, and he assumed the same for her.
“Did you really think that we would actively exclude you when we went out?” Jessica asked, almost hurt. “You’re my friend.”
Ethan’s throat tightened, and tears blurred his vision. The good kind of tears. He didn’t realize how much those words could mean.
“You didn’t know me in high school,” Ethan said in a scratchy voice. “I got excluded a lot.”
He realized that he was sensitive about being left out in the same way that she was sensitive about getting drunk. To the outside world, they were weird quirks, but to friends, they made perfect sense. The past was always in their present.
He refused to wait for cues or for walls to come down. He hugged her—lightly at first until she squeezed him back.
“How did you know we were at the movies?” she asked him.
Ethan stammered for a second and hoped she didn’t catch it. “I saw you guys go into the theater.”
“But how did you know we sawLiberation?” She was going to make a fantastic journalist.
They were friends, and friends deserved the truth.
“I was in that showing, in the back row. Hooking up with a guy.”
Her eyes nearly flew out of their sockets. The girl who loved to argue was rendered speechless. She made sure to close the door before asking in a hushed tone, “What do you mean by hooking up, exactly?”
How much truth did Jessica deserve? Ethan worried about her response. His arrangement with Greg was a lot of truth bombs to absorb and completely went against everything she knew about him.But if she’s really my friend, then she’s not going anywhere.Ethan sucked in a deep breath and gobbled up his remaining courage.
“He gave me slob—a blowjob.”
That she had to sit down for. Ethan stared at the floor and stretches of carpet peeked out from Jessica’s mess.
“I’ve been hooking up with this fraternislut—this guy—around campus. An empty office, the library, Slevin concert hall.”
“I’ve seen shows there!” she said in a sharp how-dare-you tone. Her words sent a burn through his chest. In that moment, though, Ethan didn’t regret telling her. If this was how their friendship would end, at least he didn’t blend into the background and let himself fade away.
Nobody said anything. The dorm was too quiet. The silence gnawed at Ethan’s ears.
And then a laugh busted out of Jessica’s mouth. Even she seemed surprised at it. “Wow.”
“I know. I can’t believe it either.”
“Well, um…” Her eyebrows wiggled around her forehead as she searched for an answer. She settled into a state of calm and looked Ethan in the eye. “Good for you.”
“Really?”
“You’ve been acting different, but you also seem happier. You’ve had this glow about you.”
“Fresher?” He remembered Lorna’s word choice, and it felt more than applicable.
“Yeah, that’s a good word for it. At first, I thought it was the booze or drugs. I’m glad it’s something else. You really seem to like him.”
Ethan had never seen her act so genuine, so caring. He couldn’t believe she saw all of that. He was happier with Greg, and not just because of the sex or the secrecy. Just being around him lifted Ethan up.
“I really do,” he said. “So we’re good?”
“Yes. I’m still a little creeped out that you were getting some a few rows behind us, and you can save all the gory details for Lorna.” There was that laugh again. “But yes.”
