“Not at the moment.”
“Because there’s this off-campus party, and my friend Henry is going to be there. I think you two would really hit it off.”
Ethan stumbled for an answer. “Um, cool.”
He locked eyes with Lorna, who seemed to understand immediately. “June, stop trying to play pimp.”
“Matchmaker!”
“When you do it, you’re a pimp. Big hat and all.” Lorna held out her hand to June. “I love you dearly, but you have the worst track record when it comes to setting people up.”
“Fine. I won’t set them up. Ethan, you should still come to the party.”
Ethan nodded, but it didn’t sit right with him. Technically—very technically—he had a boyfriend. Maybe. Or not. He and Greg had never made anything official, but they’d said they were falling for each other and they’d had sex. Not dirty, drunk, party,fuckingsex. Soul-connecting,making-lovesex, which had to count for something. They were something resembling a potential couple. Only they couldn’t be together in public without a friend buffer. He didn’t know how to explain it to June, to Lorna, to himself.
What are we?
He had what he wanted—Greg. He should be happy and stop caring how others perceived him. Still, as he looked down at his one fish taco left, it hit him that he and Greg had never eaten a meal together. How could they be considered a couple? Relationship drama and complications were like Rubik’s Cubes to him.
Later, Ethan and Lorna were the only ones left at the table, sharing an ice cream sundae. Ethan swirled his spoon in the melted soup at the bottom.
“What’s wrong?” Lorna asked.
“Should I stay Greg’s secret?”
“Do you want my opinion, or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” Lorna savored a spoonful of vanilla.
“He said he needs time. And I get it. You know, coming out isn’t something that happens overnight. So if I have to wait, then I’ll wait, okay?”
Lorna shot him a look that cut through all of Ethan’s rationalizing.
“That all makes sense,” she said. “If he had any intention of coming out.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? He doesn’twantto stay in closet. It’s difficult.”
“Is it for him?” She threw her spoon onto the table. He had never seen her angry. The red in her face seemed to make the red in her hair glow even brighter. “He has everything he wants just the way he wants it. His bros, his double major, his secret boyfriend. Why would he want to rock the status quo?”
The comment cut Ethan to the quick. Lorna didn’t pull punches, which was great until you found yourself in her crosshairs.
“Look, I understand coming out is a hard process. I can’t imagine what it’s like, and I don’t believe anyone should be pushed.” Her eyes softened, and she reached out for his hand. “But is he making an effort? Is he trying to work through this? If not for himself, then for you. He can’t expect you to keep quiet forever.”
Ethan scraped the last bits of chocolate sauce out of the bowl. He liked the excitement of the secrecy, but perhaps that was just a temporary high. It was temporary, not forever. His daydreams about being Greg’s boyfriend never involved him hiding.
He shot Lorna a crooked half-smile. Ethan was in a relationship with a hot, smart, funny guy who seemed to get him. He knew that was rare to find, especially in college. It should have been enough, but something nagged at him. Something tugged at the one loose string in this perfectly knit union.
He tossed his spoon into the dish, clanging against the glass. “Thanks for dinner.”
Φ
Ethan knew Lorna would be at her sorority house for most of the night. It gave him the perfect opportunity to check in on her roommate. He shook out his hand and psyched himself up before knocking on Jessica’s door.
“Lorna isn’t here.” Jessica wore her favorite Browerton sweater and flannel pajamas, as well as Ethan’s least favorite facial expression: the face pinch. Jessica immediately had her walls up.
Ethan couldn’t let that stop him.
“I’m sorry about getting drunk in your room with Lorna.” He searched for the right words, without letting on that he knew about her dad. “I know you don’t like drinking, and I should have respected that in here.”
He could almost hear her wall cracking slightly, the bricks scraping apart.
