“So everything was a lie?”
“No!” He pivoted around. His heart was on the line. “It wasn’t. I’ve loved every minute with you. I love you, Matty.”
Fuck.Well, that came out at the absolute wrong time, but it was the truth.
“But you were paid to hang out with me, to distract me and get me to fail.”
“Just to ruin the curve.” Coop hated how that sounded. The truth was never meant to sound pretty.
“That’s it? Some plan. Pretend to like me, then date me, even have sex with me. Just to help Kelvin get an A.”
“No! It wasn’t like that.” Coop’s voice bounced off the walls. “I stopped working with Kelvin as soon as I realized I had feelings for you. Everything after that has been 100 percent me. No ulterior motives.” Coop finally got that off his chest, but it was too little, too late. Matty’s expression didn’t change.
“Why didn’t you tell me this? You’ve been lying to me this whole time.”
“I was afraid I would lose you.” He wanted to reach out and hold Matty’s hand, but Matty seemed to flinch at the inclination of human contact with Coop. “This whole time, I’ve felt awful. Yes, I tried to distract you in the library, but then I fell for you. This has been weighing down on me for our entire relationship.”
“Poor you. It must be so emotionally taxing to mindfuck with someone.”
Coop didn’t have the right answer. This was a mindfuck job right from the start. He couldn’t get around that.What was I doing?
“I’m so sorry.” The way Matty felt about him right now was nothing compared to what Coop thought of himself. “None of this was bullshit.None of it.”
Coop couldn’t stand being this close to his boyfriend and not being able to touch him.
“How do I trust you again?”
“You need to look at me and decide that for yourself.” Coop was grasping for breath, trying to stay alive. Matty was above water, his reflection rippling just above. Coop could stretch his arm out all he wanted, but he’d be out of reach.
Tears beaded at Matty’s eyes, but he wiped them away. Watching Matty stay strong tore at Coop more than if he’d fallen apart. “Was all this time…the pool and…Philadelphia…”
“No,” Coop said firmly. “Philadelphia was not a scam. You know me, Matty. Do you believe I would do that?”
“I don’t know what to believe. You’re a master at putting on different personas, being who you needed to be to get the job done.”
“But I showed you the real me.”
“I showed you the real me from the start.” Matty sat on his bed, which he took as a good sign. Coop still kept his distance and sat on Rafe’s bed.
They had shared so much. And it all meant nothing, because it was based on a lie. “This is me. You know me. The real me. String Cheese.”
Coop thought he was getting through. Matty tensed up on his bed, his mind spiraling. But there was hope. There was a light in his eyes that Coop held onto with all his might.
“Matty?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“I can’t.”
“Matty. Come on.”
“I wish I could stay here. I wish I could pull you close to me and kiss you and forget any of this ever happened. But I can’t. All I can think is that this might be a long con. This might be part of the plan. You and Kelvin conspire to make me fall for you. Kelvin breaks the news to me, and your apologies make it hurt even more. It’s a brilliant plan. I’ve experienced bullies who truly tried to make my life hell, but this takes the cake.”
“That’s not me, Matty.”
“Is it? If I stay with you, I’ll always keep wondering. That fear that I felt when I was in school, just waiting for the next prank kids would pull, it would be back. I can’t date you and be on guard at the same time. It sounds fucked up, but it’s the truth.”
He stood up and smoothed out the wrinkles in Coop’s bed. Even at his angriest, he was considerate. Coop wanted his heart to stop breaking.
“Matty,” Coop called out, his voice shaking. “Please don’t go.”
