My throat tightened for a second. I’d had this domesticity with Victoria, at least when we first moved in together. Then, she was always away on business trips or working late, and usually, I’d end up having dinner alone.
“What’s that face for?” River asked.
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Victoria.” I sighed. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the kitchen while someone else is making dinner, and then we eat together.”
River furrowed his brows. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t. I guess…maybe I’ve unknowingly been pretending everything was okay with Victoria and me. So much that I hadn’t realized we really weren’t okay. Maybe her leaving was the best thing. She was braver than me. I would have married her, and one day, I would have opened my eyes and realized we weren’t truly together anymore.”
River put his fork on his plate with a clink. “Nothing will convince me she didn’t do this for herself. She wasn’t thinking of you, Adam. If she were, she would have called it off before you had a hundred guests paying to stay at an expensive vineyard hotel. Not to mention the rest of the bill. Speaking of which, have you spoken to your parents?”
I cringed. “No. I’ve been avoiding them actually.”
“I know.”
Of course he did. Even though my parents were meant to be semi-retired now that River was running the restaurant, they couldn’t stay away.
“Let me guess, they’ve been low-case grilling you at work.”
He snorted. “No low-case about that. Your parents have practically sat me down and interrogated me about how you’ve been.”
“I’m sorry.”
“They’re worried.” His voice carried a distinct layer of protectiveness.
“I know. It’s just…hard to talk to them. I feel like such a failure.”
River reached over the table and grabbed my hand. “This is not on you. Whatever issues you and Victoria might have been having, whether you were aware of them or not, are not an excuse for her to do what she did.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you?”
I sat up straight and took my hand back, holding the glass of water. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you still haven’t gone back to your apartment to grab your stuff, and as much as I don’t mind you raiding my closet, I think that’s something you need to do.”
The pasta suddenly tasted like cardboard, so I took a gulp of water.
“I’ll do it this week.”
He sighed. “I’m not trying to pressure you, but…”
“But what?”
“Never mind.” He stood to wash his plate and cup.
I hadn’t finished my dinner, but I’d lost my appetite. When I took my plate to the sink, River turned to me, and before I knew it, I was on the receiving end of a River hug.
My throat tightened. I hadn’t had a real River hug in so long that I hadn’t known I’d missed it. I wrapped my arms around him and allowed myself the closeness.
When I pulled back, a small tear fell down my cheek.
“I really wish things were different,” he said, gently wiping away the tear with his thumb, a sad smile gracing his lips.
