The moans softened then, tapering into silence, leaving me alone with the pounding of my pulse and the questions swirling in my head.
Then, River’s voice shattered the quietude, his climax arriving with my name torn from his lips. “Adam!”
My heart lurched against my ribcage. My name sounded different when carried on the wave of River’s release.
The room suddenly seemed smaller, the air charged with the electricity.
“Dammit,” I cursed under my breath. I pushed myself up from the floor. My unsteady legs made it harder to move, but the need to escape the confines of the room propelled me forward. I reached for the door handle, my hand trembling as I turned it.
The hall outside offered no relief. I paced between the two walls, which now felt like they were closing in on me. I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes, trying to physically push away the intensity of what I’d heard, what I felt.
I wanted to shout at myself to get it together, but how could I when my world had just tilted on its axis?
With each inhale of my breath, I tried to steady my heartbeat, to cool the flush that had spread across my cheeks.
I needed space and time to understand why hearing my name fall from River’s lips had felt like a call to something deeper, something real. And terrifying.
Why had he called my name? Did it mean he felt a connection with me? When he explained about being demisexual, he’d said he needed to feel a connection.
The elevator at the end of the hallway pinged and a small group of women spilled out, laughing and chatting as they walked in my direction.
I needed to make a decision. Walk past the women toward the elevators or return to the room and face my best friend. After what had happened over the last few days, I suddenly became paralyzed and unable to make a decision.
“Hey, you all right there?” one of the women asked. “You get locked out? That happened to us a few days ago. You’d think five bad-ass women would have it better together, right? Nope. A vacation from life apparently means a vacation from braining.” The other women all laughed with her.
She looked nice in a yellow-and-pink striped summer dress, barely-there makeup, and sandals. Her eyes were warm and sympathetic as she waited for my reply. In another world, she would have been the kind of woman I’d go for, but right now, I couldn’t think of anything I wanted less.
“Um, no, I’m not locked out.”
Her brows met in the middle, and she looked at the other women before turning back to me. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can call reception for help. I’m not a doctor, but you look a little shaken.”
I smiled. “I’m okay. Honestly. You all go enjoy your evening.”
She smiled back and joined the group as they continued down the hall.
Escaping was no longer an option. River was probably ready and waiting for me, so I had to dust myself off and go back into the room to get ready for dinner.
Hopefully, I was good enough of an actor that River wouldn’t be able to tell I’d overheard such an intimate moment. Not only that, but I’d liked it, and given the choice, I would have wanted to watch and maybe even join in.
How fucked up was that?
13
RIVER
“Ican’t believe we’re going home tomorrow,” Emery said, piercing the succulent kalua pig with his fork and bringing it to his mouth.
“Yeah, we blinked, and it’s over,” Noah said, stretching out on a blanket beside Lior. “Australia was amazing, and I’m glad we did this too, but there’s something about being in your own bed, you know?”
“Absolutely,” Lex agreed, rolling his neck before taking the forkful of food Emery fed him.
Adam remained silent, lying back, arms behind his head, gazing at the sky.
I’d spent the week forcing myself to relax while hyperaware of Adam’s constant presence by my side. I’d known it would be like this. The couples gravitated to each other, so there was just us left.
We were best friends. We’d seen each other almost every day for years. But a week ago, I’d been ready to hand in my notice at the restaurant and leave. Take a break from the ache in my heart over someone I knew I’d never have.
Now, as the aroma of roasted meat and pineapple wafted through the air, mingling with the salty tang of the ocean breeze, I didn’t know anything anymore.
