“Fuck, yeah. I thought I’d lost them.”
“You left them behind when you ran over to River like he’d taken all your toys and run away.”
“Yeah, I was…” I trailed off, avoiding meeting Lex’s probing gaze.
“Hey. Talk to me. Do you remember what you did when Emery disappeared?”
“I went to your place and stalked his social media to find answers about where he was?”
The pain in Lex’s eyes always got to me when he talked about the year he thought he’d lost Emery when, in fact, he’d been in an accident and had lost his memory. His mom had manipulated him into going back home by hiding his old life from him, and it wasn’t until Lex and Emery were accidentally set up by Emery’s friend Ellie that they reconnected and fell in love all over again.
“No, Adam. You came to my place and stayed with me. You kept me company, and yes, you tried to figure out what had happened to Emery, but for me, the most important thing was that you were there for me. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else. I know you have River, but I hope you know I’m here for you, right?”
I exhaled. “I know, Lex. You have no idea how much I appreciate that everyone is here with me. It’s like…I feel like I can’t trust my feelings anymore,” I confessed, the words tumbling out in a rush. “Ever since Victoria, everything’s upside down, and now—” I choked on the rest, the truth too raw, too new.
Lex’s expression changed. “Has something else happened? Has Victoria been in touch or…shit, is she leaving you to foot the whole bill for a wedding that didn’t happen?”
I played with the arms of my sunglasses. “It doesn’t have anything to do with Victoria. I mean, I don’t think it does, but I don’t know. I…something’s changed, and I don’t know if it was always there or triggered by her. I don’t trust myself anymore.”
“Adam, whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. You’re allowed to be confused.”
“Am I?” I asked, not bothering to hide my skepticism. But Lex’s words were reassuring. Something in me might be longing for something, someone, it shouldn’t, and maybe I didn’t understand it, but I could take my time to figure it out. “Thank you, Lex.”
“Anytime, big brother,” Lex said, pulling me into a tight hug. Something about being this close to my twin brother always made me feel safe, like there was nothing more right in my life.
“I guess I should go back to my room.” I nodded toward the other end of the hallway. “River is probably done with his shower, so I’ll jump in quickly so we can get to dinner on time. I’m craving a good steak and a bottomless beer.”
“Now there’s an idea,” Lex agreed. “I’ll meet you at the restaurant in a bit.”
The door to the room clicked shut behind me, and I was met with silence before soft, rhythmic moans breached the quiet. They came from the bathroom, muffled by water spray butunmistakable. Heat flushed through my body as my hand froze on the back of the door.
River.
My heart thudded, and I swallowed hard, my tongue too big inside my mouth. I should go back outside, give him a few more minutes, and then come back in and pretend I didn’t know what was happening behind the closed door of our shared bathroom.
I should. But my feet were glued to the spot on the cold marble floor.
River was always so composed, so gentle in his mannerisms. Hearing him like this, unguarded and gasping, was like opening a new window into my best friend.
“Ah…” River’s voice cracked slightly, edged with pleasure.
I pressed my back against the door, my eyes fluttering closed as the sounds lured me further into a maze of desire I’d never felt pulled into exploring. This was River—my best friend, the boy who spent so much time at my place that he had half my closet space filled with his clothes. The friend who’d listened to me every time I got my heart broken. The man I was suddenly feeling conflicted about.
Curiosity mingled with arousal, igniting a fire in my veins. Curiosity about what River might look like in that moment of abandon, about the fantasies and the images in his head as he touched himself.
And curiosity about myself, about the flickering flame inside that seemed to grow brighter with every stifled moan that slipped through the cracks.
I shifted, the movement stirring the air around me. My body responded, betraying me with a tent in my swim trunks.
“Fuck.” Another moan slipped through the bathroom door.
“River,” I whispered, the name a prayer on my lips for the second time today.
What did it mean to feel this pull, this yearning for someone who had always been a constant, platonic presence in my life?
Why now? Why a man? Why River?
I leaned back and slid down to the floor, knees drawn up, head resting against the door.
