“River,” Adam murmured, his voice carrying a note of awe mingled with something else—something deeper. “That’s…honestly, that’s really brave of you to share.”
My shoulders, which I hadn’t noticed had been tense, relaxed slightly. The fear of being misunderstood, judged even, ebbed away with the tide.
“Is that why…?” He trailed off, uncertainty flickering in his gaze.
“Is that why what?” I prompted, even though I was terrified he was about to voice my biggest fear in coming out to him.
“Nothing,” he said quickly, shaking his head. But the curiosity lingered, filled with unspoken questions.
“Adam,” I started, “there’s a lot you don’t know about me. Things I never thought I could tell anyone, especially you.”
“Especially me?” His voice held a tremor, a hint of vulnerability that matched mine.
“Because you matter more to me than anyone else,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “You always have.”
Under the darkening sky, our gazes locked again, and I wondered if he could see the truth I’d kept hidden for so long.
“Does it change things?” I asked, bracing myself for the impact of his answer, as terrifying as it was.
“No,” he said earnestly. “It doesn’t change how I see you. If anything, it makes me…respect you more.” His gaze held mine, unflinching and sincere.
“Respect me?”
“Of course. You’re true to yourself, even when it’s hard. That takes courage.”
Right there, on a beach, thousands of miles away from our reality, I saw something shift in Adam’s blue eyes, as if he were seeing me fully for the first time.
“Tell me more,” he said, demonstrating his usual hunger for knowledge.
I hesitated, keenly aware of the magnitude of this moment. “There’s not much to tell,” I confessed. “It took me a long time to figure out why I’d find someone attractive or interesting buthave no desire to be intimate with them. I thought I was broken or…” Just irrevocably in love with my best friend since that kiss when we were fourteen. A kiss Adam had never brought up since.
I’d confessed one truth tonight already. I was not prepared to admit another.
That one would definitely mark the end of my friendship with Adam.
12
ADAM
Back in the coolness of the room, River headed straight for the shower. I couldn’t blame him for seeking a moment on his own after I’d practically pried his secret out of him.
I wasn’t yet sure how I felt about it. Part of me wondered if I should be hurt that my best friend had hidden a part of himself from me for so long. But considering I was also harboring my own secret, I understood that sometimes telling the truth wasn’t an option because we had more to lose than to gain.
I mean, what would I gain from telling River I was starting to find him fascinating in a way I’d never considered before and that I wasn’t sure it wasn’t just some kind of trauma-induced thing.
As I riffled through my suitcase for a shirt to wear for dinner, I found my empty sunglasses case. I raised my hand to my head, only to come away empty-handed. Of course I’d lose the new pair I’d bought for the honeymoon after Victoria complained my old sunglasses looked like they’d gone to high school with me.
She’d been right, but if something wasn’t broken, why fix it? I’d given in and bought a new pair I planned to keep for the next thirty years.
“Hey, I forgot my sunglasses on the beach,” I called out to River. “I’m going to see if I can find them.”
“Okay,” he shouted back.
I spared a glance toward the bathroom, willing my brain to give me a break from all the thoughts I didn’t need to be having. I was supposed to be crying over the end of my almost marriage. Feeling sorry for myself for being dumped.Notwondering about a naked River only a few feet away.
As I turned the corner of the hallway outside my room, I almost collided with my brother.
“Hey, I was coming to see you,” Lex said. “Were you looking for these, by any chance?” He held up my sunglasses.
