The blanket draped over the couch tells me this is where Ash has been.
I can't see where his bedroom is, but I assume it is through the archway leading to a corridor on the side. There's a partially open door that leads to the bathroom.
Ash runs his hands through his hair and pulls down his shirt that looks like it was once red but has been worn almost threadbare. He looks adorable, and at any other time I'd have loved to find out how long he's had the shirt, and then slowly pull it up to reveal what I'm sure is soft, creamy skin underneath.
"Can I offer you something to drink?" he asks.
I shake my head and take his hands, pulling him to sit on the couch and only letting go to take my coat off and drape it on a nearby chair.
"I'm sorry to show up unannounced, but Nicki is worried about you. Is everything okay, Ash?"
We're facing each other and I keep his hands in mine. I don't know why, but I feel I need to keep touching him. That it will eventually make him feel better about whatever is happening.
"My stepmother sold some stuff that belonged to my parents," he says in a tiny voice. "When I moved out of the farmhouse to give her and the twins more space, I brought some things with me. My mom's favorite blanket, the spread they had on their bed, and some pictures, but the library was always such a special and magical place for me. I didn't want to touch it. Now it's all gone. My dad's desk, all the books, even the rug on the floor which had been in my mom's family for generations."
Ash starts tearing up again as he tells me the reason he's upset.
"I feel like I've lost them all over again, you know? I used to go to the library sometimes and just sit there, looking at the books and wondering if they'd read them all, when they bought them, and how many had been in our family for a long time."
"It sounds like it was a special place."
Ash sighs, but his tears have stopped. I clean the moisture from his face and pull him into my arms. I lean back so he's half-lying on top of me, and it feels so right to have him here.
"Tell me more about your parents."
13
ASH
I can't believeXander is here, in my cottage, on my couch, and that I'm all but draped over him like a blanket. I'm not going to complain, though, because just being close to him makes me feel better.
"Let me send Nicki a message so she doesn't worry. I should have done it earlier, but I don't think I was in the right frame of mind and I forgot," I say, reaching out to grab my phone from the table.
"She won't mind. She just wants to know you're okay and safe."
I unlock my phone and send the message. Xander's eyes are on me when I finish, and I don't know what to do, so I answer his question.
"My parents fell in love really young. I never met my grandparents because they all died before I was born, but my dad used to tell me how their parents were against it because they all thought Mom and Dad were too young. They ran away and got married in secret and came back here when Mom was pregnant with me."
"It must have been hard for them to leave their family."
"Yes, it was, but they kept in touch by letter, and I guess at some point, my grandparents accepted that my parents really were serious and took them back. They came to live here. I was born in the farmhouse."
Talking to Xander about my parents feels good. These are memories I thought I'd forgotten.
Xander runs his fingers through my hair again and it feels amazing. It's been such a long time since I've been this close to someone, I don't think I realized how much I missed it.
"My grandfather had a theory," Xander says. "At any given time, there are thousands, if not millions, of people reading a book. When lots of people reach the end, all those good feelings, the happy ever afters, the resolutions and positivity must have an impact on the universe."
I look up at Xander, and once again, his eyes are on me.
"That's a beautiful theory," I say.
"Ash, I'm sorry you lost your parents' books. I hope that somewhere someone will one day read them and release all the happiness into the universe for you."
His words wrap around my heart like a warm blanket, and I can't help myself, I move up and press my lips against his.
I feel his arms tighten around me, giving me the confidence to continue, to deepen the kiss and for once in my life take something for myself. So I do, and Xander opens up for me as if there was never any doubt that this would happen. He tastes of Christmas, and somehow, that makes the kiss one thousand times better.
