Vítor
"Mr. Alves,can I call you Vítor?"
"Of course."
He nodded. "And please call me Bernardo. Don't take my question in the wrong way, I am very pleased that you agreed to meet with me. My question is, why now?"
I couldn't say I was caught off guard, after all, I'd been asking myself the same question from the moment I'd decided to accept one of the many requests for a meeting from one of the partners at Lopes Dias Gomes Architects.
I was expecting the question. After all, Bernardo had been trying to meet up with me for the last year, and even when I'd repeatedly said I was happy in my current partnership, they'd always kept the door open for me.
Answering it was the harder part. I knew I was meant to keep my cards close to my chest to get the best deal, but that had been a role best suited for Dri. He'd always said that no matter how much I tried, I was like glass, totally see-through. He'd also said it was one of the things he loved about me.
A pang of sadness and unease came over me. Was I betraying him by being here in Lisbon meeting with another firm? We'd worked so damned hard to be taken on as joint partners, especially because we'd had to keep our relationship a secret initially.
I decided to be honest.
"Bernardo, I want to say that this is a great opportunity for me and I would welcome the change. I've followed the projects your partnership has been involved with, and I've been impressed with how you manage to bring history and tradition into the current times." I let out a long breath. "If you want to know the truth, I don't know why I'm here."
"We've also been keeping an eye on your work, Vítor. We've wanted you with us for a long time, but we didn't think you would ever consider a partnership that didn't include Rodrigo. We are a smaller firm of three with a few junior and senior architects. Over the years, we've wanted to bring you in as a senior architect, but then our hopes were crushed when you became a partner in your current firm. Now that my good friend and partner João Dias is retiring, we thought it would be a good opportunity to bring you on as a partner to Lopes Gomes Alves." He took a sip of his espresso and smiled. "It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
I laughed. "You're a good salesman, Bernardo."
"I'm not selling, Vítor. The job is yours. We are ready for you. the question is, are you ready for a move?"
Part of me was ready for a move. Professionally, it was a great move. Recently I'd felt that, while I had a certain degree of influence in my current partnership, the fact that there were six partners in total made it challenging to get the right projects through the door. They were all about chasing the next big contract to design shopping centers, government buildings, and celebrity homes. Dri and I wanted to design people's dreams, not chase the next big paycheck.
I got that it was important for our reputation to do a certain amount of work that put our name out there, but since Dri's place in the partnership had been replaced by a senior architect who was more interested in being in celebrity gossip magazines, I felt the partnership had lost its way.
"Bernardo, I really appreciate your offer. You are right, I'm not sure I'm ready for such a big move. Professionally, it makes sense, and if there were no other factors, I'd be jumping in with both feet. Personally, there are a few things I need to work through before I can accept your offer and we start working through the details. I'm in Lisbon until tomorrow. I can come to your office before I drive up to Porto. I'll have your answer for you then."
I needed to think about Bernardo's offer, and since I'd spent the morning in the car and then sat down for lunch with Bernardo, I felt like walking it out.
Maybe taking in the sounds, the smells, and the people of Lisbon would give me some clarity.
A long time ago, this city was my escape. The place I used to go to when I was trying to figure myself out. That was before the events that changed my life forever happened right here.
I couldn't blame the city, of course, but the feelings that were being churned up were still hard to face.
When I'd moved to Porto, I found my real escape. I was lucky that I found someone that helped me when I needed it the most. I met Dri shortly afterward and hadn't looked back since.
Well, that wasn't totally true. While I didn't think of the past, I wondered if my brother still lived in the same place with his wife and kids, if they were happy. Despite everything, they were the ones I hoped I'd saved when I'd made the decision to leave.
He'd always been my protector. Whenever my father had decided I wasn't man enough to be his son, it was my brother that put himself between us, almost always ending up on the receiving end of our father's fists.
I wondered about Paula. My best friend and keeper of my secrets. Would she hate me too because I didn't tell her I was running away? Maybe it was too much to hope that she'd understand why I'd had to do it.
She'd been the only person I'd confided in when I was struggling with my sexuality and myself.
Despite my father's jibes about me being girly, weak, a sissy, I'd always thought I was just an introvert. I'd focused on my drawings and dreams of designing buildings. I guess I was a late bloomer, or maybe it was because under the watchful eye of my father, I naturally stopped thinking of myself in the context of sexuality or sexual identity.
It wasn't until I saw an actor on a popular telenovela that I wondered for the first time if I was interested in boys. I was only sixteen. He was so beautiful that I couldn't take my eyes off the TV. I became obsessed to the point I would never miss an episode and had to watch it with a cushion on my lap to hide my erection.
Sharing a bedroom with my brother then didn't allow me much privacy, so I became an expert at bringing myself to climax in the bathroom in record time. Of course, that only brought on more guilt and fear of my father because he was actually right.
As I grew older, my dad's physical abuse decreased slightly, but the emotional and verbal abuse became so bad that I started denying to both Paula and myself that I was gay.
I took on a job on a building site, much to the disappointment of my brother who wanted me to go to university and even offered to help me with the costs.
