Feeling frustrated with myself, I decided to get up and do some work if I wasn't going to sleep. On my way to the office, I noticed the guest bedroom door was open and Tiago wasn't in bed.
I found him curled up on the living room sofa facing the garden. The lights were off but the moon was shining a bright light on his lonely figure.
"Hey," I called in a whisper so I wouldn't spook him as I sat down next to him.
"Hey."
I pulled him into my arms and was glad when he settled with his back against my chest and put his hands over mine.
"What are you doing here in the dark?"
"Just thinking. Couldn't sleep."
"Thinking about what?"
"You. Me." He took a deep sigh.
"I know. I'm sorry I was a bit off after we got here."
He tightened his grip on my hand. "No, don't apologize. I can see you're still grieving, and that's okay. You don't stop loving someone just because they're gone. Besides, I wasn't expecting anything more, and you've given me so much already."
"You're right, I still love Dri and always will. I don't know how to navigate this, Tiago. What I feel for you is unexpected." I sighed. "You know why I'm here?"
"No."
"I couldn't sleep, and you know why? Because I couldn't stop thinking about you, and even though part of me felt guilty for it, there's a bigger part of me that craves having you in my arms. I don't know how to stop it."
He turned around to face me.
"Then don't."
His kiss was light, barely a touch of our lips, but its result was devastating because I realized then I was on a fast track to falling in love for the second time in my life, and like the first time, I wasn't sure I could do anything to stop it… or wanted to.
Tiago turned again and settled against my chest, pulling my arms around him. I kissed his temple, and he let out a contented sigh.
"Do you want to go to bed?" I asked.
He shook his head. I sensed some hesitation from him.
"Vítor, will you tell me about the picture by the door?"
"Why?"
"Because it's important to you."
I took a deep breath and considered if I wanted to open that wound. I didn't want my relationship with Tiago to be about all the hurt we'd had in the past. At the same time, he'd been so open with me, so I felt I owed him my story, especially since we'd actually met in the place that had sealed my future.
"Mário is older than me only by a few years, so we were always very close. My father wasn't a nice man, and Mário made it his life mission to protect me from our father's fists. We met Teresa and Paula at school shortly after we moved to Caparica. It was love at first sight for Mário and Teresa, and in a way, for Paula and I, too.
"I thought I was in love with Paula because she was my best friend. We hadn't even ever kissed, but I was determined I was going to marry her because she was a girl, and I liked her."
"When did you realize you were gay?"
"I was sixteen. Things were different in those days. There were no role models, no one to look up to, so the first time I found myself attracted to a guy, it confused the hell out of me. I hid it and tried to pretend I wasn't like that.
"The drawing was based on a photo we took on my brother's birthday. We'd had a great day at the beach and then a bigger group of friends joined us in the evening. We made a fire and drank beer. This guy who was friends with my brother came to sit next to me and started leaning into me, and he put his hand on my knee. I panicked because I thought he knew my secret, so I took Paula by the hand and the two of us went for a walk.
"We'd both been drinking quite a bit and maybe we were both in need of something. We lost our virginity to each other that night. It was great because she was my best friend, she was soft, beautiful, but…"
