I scramble through my memories of yesterday and groan when I get to the relevant ones. No, not the one of me agreeing to marry Ash, but the one of my complete and utter embarrassment in front of Riku and Ash and even Cole. Jumping out of bed, I stumble for the bathroom and hurl up what’s left in my stomach. Which is nothing, really, because I’d already done this in front of Riku last night.
I’m sprawled across the bathroom floor, hanging on the toilet seat, groaning, when a pair of feet appear in front of me. I feel a small amount of relief at the fact that they are dainty, with toes painted a pretty coral color. My eyes scan up the body of the person in front of me, and I moan internally because she’s got her hands on her hips and her lips pursed in annoyance. I wonder if anyone’s told her she looks constipated when she does that. The foot in front of me starts tapping.
“No one has ever told me that I look constipated when I purse my lips, so thank you for the delightful start to my day.”Oh fuck, I said it out loud? “Just a little?” she tells me, holding up her fingers.
“Kill me now.”I lean my forehead against the toilet seat.
“Seems like you’re giving it a good go yourself. Who knows what’s on that seat that might kill you.” Hope sounds conversational, but I’m pretty sure the beast is waiting to explode. “You bet your ass the anger beast is waiting to explode, but I’d like you upright and looking at me when it happens.” Oh Jesus, I said it out loud again? What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Maybe your inner filter is broken because of all thecokeyou’ve been using!” She shouts that last little bit, and I try to slump even farther down, but she growls, scoops her hands under my arms, and hauls me to my feet. Then she turns on the shower, strips off my clothes, and unceremoniously shoves me in. I brace myself for the cold, but she’s not as cruel as Cole was, so it’s warm water that rushes over my body. Groaning, I slide down the tiles until I’m sitting at the bottom of the shower with the unrelenting pounding of water raining down on my head.
“Hope, I fucked up,” I mutter.
“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Hope asks even though I know damn well she heard me.
“I fucked up,” I say a little louder.
“You’re damn right you fucked up. To be honest, I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I’m more angry or hurt that you didn’t think you could talk about any of it with me. I’m certainly angry that you didn’t talk to your therapist about any of it, and I’m damn angry at the fact that you went along with first Cole, then Ash’s plan, knowing full well you were going to have to use fucking cocaine to get through any of it! What the fuck were you thinking?” Hope’s angry voice is echoing around the bathroom as she reaches the height of her rant.
I can’t look up at her, so I just close my eyes and lean my head back against the tiled wall. “I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t. I just really wanted to help the family out, especially because I was so useless during the whole kidnapping thing. Plus, how could I resist the chance to save Ash’s sister from his grandmother’s horrifying threat to marry her off? This was my way to be the hero, I guess.”
“What a load of fucking bullshit.” Hope sounds disgusted, but she can’t be more disgusted than I am with myself.
“And the thought of Ash’s sister having that hang over her head makes me see red.”
“Well, you’re not wrong there, and we need to help him with that, but we could have done it differently. I had no idea you were using cocaine to get through all those events. Fuck, Jacinta, where did you even get it from?”
“From the safe at Willow Castle,” I mutter quietly, and instead of the explosive reaction I expect, she’s silent, so I risk looking at her.
Her mouth has dropped open, and I think I’ve rendered her speechless. “I… I… But—but what?” She can’t seem to form a sentence. Finally, she tosses her hands up in the air. “Seriously? I just can’t with you.” She walks out of the bathroom, and I take that as my cue to get to my feet and wash myself.
After getting out of the shower and cleaning my teeth, I wander back into my bedroom and look at the time on my phone. It’s ten in the morning, and my rumbling stomach tells me I need some food, so I get dressed as quickly as this vicious hangover will let me. I can hear murmured voices out in the living area, and I assume it’s Hope talking to Riku.
Flashes of last night come rushing back into my mind, and I sink down onto my bed in horror. I said such horrible things. God, I was such a bitch to him. I hope he can forgive me. And Ash? Poor Ash, I made him think I didn’t care about him or his sister. I have so many apologies to make. He’s more than just some deal to me, and so is his sister even though I’ve never met her.
Taking a deep breath, I head out into the living area, and when I open my door, all eyes shoot to me. Not only are Hope and Riku here, but all of the other guys as well. I feel so overwhelmed with all of their attention on me and the horrible knowledge that every one of them knows what levels I’ve sunk to that I can’t help the tears that start to roll down my face. I slap a hand over my mouth to stop the sob from breaking free, but before I can do anything, Jace is there, his arms wrapped around me, his soothing Southern accent whispering words of comfort.
I sag into his embrace, letting his warmth engulf me, and let go. I let go of everything that I’ve been holding inside of me since we first got kidnapped, since I heard my twin had been shot and didn’t know if he would make it. Since I heard my mother had been killed by Julia, and that her act of giving us to Brad was actually her way of protecting us. Since I found out that maybe, just maybe, my bio dad was out there somewhere. Finally, the emotions run out, and I feel exhausted. Pulling away from Jace, I discover that we’re now on the couch. Alex is on the other side of me, holding one of my hands. Everyone else is just sitting around, waiting for me to calm down. Through tear-filled eyes, I see Riku, and I hold a hand out to him. “I’m so fucking sorry. I was such a bitch.”
He comes over to me and pulls me into his arms now. His unique scent fills my senses, and I instantly feel myself relax into him. “It’s okay. I understand the nature of the beast. That wasn’t you talking. I know it was the addiction.” Frowning, I try to struggle out of his arms, shaking my head, but he holds on tight.
“I’m not addicted. I can stop at any time,” I tell him weakly, and I feel him sigh deeply.
“No, Jacinta, you have an addiction. It may be only certain situations that trigger it, but you have a problem, and the first step is admitting that.”
His words make my stomach roll, but deep down I know he’s right. Sighing, I manage to step back from him, though I grab his hand so he doesn’t take it as a rejection. “I know you’re right, but saying it out loud makes it real.”
“Saying it out loud is the first step to recovery.” I spin around as Shane’s gravelly voice draws my attention. It’s his turn to pull me into a hug, and I let him. “We will be with you every step of the way if you need us, and if you want us to back off, you just have to say the word.” I hear Alex scoff at that, and I hide my smile against Shane’s shoulder. I don’t think anything short of a bulldozer will get Alex to budge.
“I know you’re right, but it’s hard, you know?” I pull away and look for the other two men in the room.
Spotting Cole, I head over to him. Time to stop pussyfooting around this. The look on his face as I approach him is almost funny, but I don’t smile because I don’t want him to think I’m not taking this seriously. He stands like a soldier, stiff as a board, with his arms by his side, bracing for what I assume is an impact, but all I do is wrap my arms around his delicious form and put my head against his chest. “Thank you for last night,” I whisper to him as his arms slowly come up to embrace me. “Thank you for stopping me from making things so much worse.”
“You’re welcome.” He still sounds unsure, so I pull back.
“Cole, I like you. I don’t know how it happened because you were an absolute asshole to me, but I feel like part of that had to do with the incredible chemistry we had and not knowing what to do with it. As you know, I’m in a relationship with more than one man, so you would always have to share me with them, but if you are interested, I would very much like to see where this goes.” I know I probably sound ridiculous, bringing this up with him so formally a few minutes after puking my guts out, my eyes a bleary mess and my head pounding, but I know I have a lot of shit to take care of, and I need this chaos inside me soothed as much as can be. Before I can fix myself, I need the other rough edges of my life smoothed out.
It’s amusing seeing this man completely speechless. His mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out of it, so instead of waiting for an answer, I close the distance between us and kiss him. He’s slow to react, but when he does, he kisses me back with enthusiasm before he puts a little space between us.
