She smiles slightly, and it occurs to me that I see this all the time—a semi-smile that dimly shines. Does the woman truly smile? I don’t know why, but I’m hit with a desire to make her do so.
“Well, all these perks don’t hurt, but I think the main reason is we all come from broken homes, so we cling as long as possible to the one place we all felt safe and the people who made us feel that way.”
“Yeah, I can see that. I was blessed with my family, but not everyone is, which is one of the reasons I get so mad at Hayden sometimes. She loves Spencer, I know she does, but it’s the wrong kind of love.”
She reaches for my hand under the water and gives it a squeeze. “Well, now that he’s going to live with you, it’s your chance to give him what he needs.”
“Yeah, I guess I should start looking for a house, but I don’t know where to start.”
“Why don’t you include him in the decision making? Ask him what he would like in a house,” she suggests, not letting go of my hand, and I can’t deny how good it feels to hold hands with this woman.
I chuckle. “I bet if I asked today, the list would include tigers and a jaguar, ponies, and a swimming pool.”
She giggles. “Yeah, maybe give it a few days. Though you’re always welcome to bring him back whenever he needs an animal or pool fix.”
We spend about twenty minutes in the hot tub, but I eventually feel a little guilty, so we join Brad and Spencer in the pool. Spencer’s shrieks of joy are music to my ears, and I don’t stop grinning the whole time. It’s even better later when the helicopter touches down, delivering the rest of the Summers home, and Jacinta tells Spencer he gets to have a ride. I’m pretty sure his eyes were stuck wide open in surprise the whole time we were in the air.
When it’s finally time to tuck him into bed that night, he’s exhausted, but he can’t stop talking about his day and his new best friends Brad and Kai who let him sit in the front of the helicopter.
I can’t believe this family managed to make my son so happy in just one day. It’s about more than just the things—exotic cats, pools, and helicopters. It was about their genuine happiness in making a child happy. They barely know me, and God knows they don’t know my son, so why do they care so much about being so kind to us? I want to be worthy of their regard. Something says Ineedto be worthy of it because the Summers are people that you want on your side, people who will always try this hard for others.
And, after seeing her interact with my son more than once, I’m ready to admit how badly I misjudged Jacinta Summers. I have so much to make up for.
ChapterTen
Jacinta
My time at home was a blessing, but now I need to get back to my charade with Ash. Things have been a little awkward between us since he ate me out in the car, then the whole fiasco with the coke at the line launch. We don’t really have the same easygoing camaraderie that we once had. There’s this sense of awareness that wasn’t there before, and neither of us know what to do about it, but I promised him I would attend his polo match and the subsequent afterparty, so I drive myself back into town.
This is a major event on the LA elite calendar, so I’ll know lots of people there. Despite things being a little awkward between us as well, I’m kind of glad that Riku will be with me. After the situation with Matthew, he’s aware that I’m still using coke, though he hasn’t confronted me about it or tried to pin down just how much I’ve been using. My bloody nose at Jace’s launch didn’t help either.
I need to be more careful. Maybe I can get my hands on some Adderall or Ritalin so that I don’t have to snort so often. I’m hoping a week of mostly not using it has helped my nostrils recover a little. I can’t afford to be caught with a nosebleed this weekend. I managed to secretly get some more coke out of the safe at Willow Castle this week, so I know I’m using good quality stuff. With it all packed into a secret compartment in my handbag, I’m good to go.
Although I’d be more comfortable wearing jeans and boots to the polo match, it’s a somewhat dressy affair, so I find myself putting on makeup and heels. I’m wearing black satin, wide-legged pants, with a fitted, turquoise half-sleeve shirt. I have a black wrap with me even though the day is sunny, so I’m hoping I won’t need it, but it might be cool in the shade.
“Are you ready?” Riku calls from the living area just as I finish snorting my first hit of the day. I dab at my nose with a tissue as I feel the chemical drip down the back of my throat and the sting in my nose.
“Won’t be a second,” I call back, then I toss the straw I used back into the drawer and wipe off the sink.
Smoothing my hair down, I check everything one more time, assuring myself I’m ready to go. I go through the bedroom, grabbing the bag that contains my change of outfit for the afterparty and my handbag, before meeting Riku in the living room.
“Hi,” I say to him somewhat shyly. He actually took a couple of days off, so I haven’t seen him since before Cole and Spencer visited. I’m still a little unsure of where we stand. He made his intentions clear in Hawaii, but we haven’t really talked about it since. Is he still interested? Or has he decided I’m just a job and we should keep things professional? Has the revelation about my continued coke usage pushed him too far away from me?
“Are you ready to go?” He takes my garment bag and looks closely at me. “You look a little flushed. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, fine.” I try to breeze past him, but he grabs my arm and spins me around.
“Did you use again?”
“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I argue, but he just shakes his head and drops my arm.
“Do me a favor, Jacinta. Don’t lie to me. I am quite familiar with all the tricks of addiction.” He doesn’t sound mad, just disappointed, and that may be even worse.
“Addiction? I’m not addicted. I just need a bit to get myself through these public engagements. My anxiety and nerves and fear are just too much to do this without it.” I’m trying to convince him my words are the truth, but I can tell he doesn’t believe it.
“You know, it’s funny. I used to tell myself the same thing with alcohol. Just a little drink before I did something because it helped block out the horrors I had seen in Iraq, but one turned into two, which turned into three, and before I knew it, I was drunk and in no condition to save a kitten out of a tree, let alone someone’s life. Simon is the one who put me straight. Got me into AA and consistently seeing a therapist.”
While I feel for Riku, I truly do, I don’t fully see the connection between our circumstances. Clearly, he had much more trauma to deal with than me, so I can see how he wasn’t able to stop himself from getting addicted to alcohol. Regardless of that, I’m glad that he shared something of himself with me, and I don’t want to turn his effort at connecting with me into a fight. “Oh wow, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I didn’t even know you were in the military.”
